


it’s hyeongjun’s world (and we’re all living in it)

by jjuniechu



Category: Cravity (Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Break Up, Underage Drinking, hyeongjun-centric, i will water hyeongjun’s tag with my own two hands, lapslock, will add tags as I go on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24201892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjuniechu/pseuds/jjuniechu
Summary: a collection of hyeongjun-centric fics and drabbles.update: ch. 4 & 5 to all the boys hyeongjun loved before (pt. 2 & 3)
Relationships: Ahn Seongmin/Song Hyeongjun, Ham Wonjin/Song Hyeongjun, Kang Minhee/Song Hyeongjun, Kim Minkyu (Produce 101)/Song Hyeongjun, Kim Yohan/Song Hyeongjun, Park Serim/Song Hyeongjun, Son Dongpyo/Song Hyeongjun, Song Hyeongjun/Everyone
Comments: 40
Kudos: 143





	1. jealous!minhee [hyeongjun/minhee] [fluff]

**Author's Note:**

> this is essentially a dumping haven for all of my hyeongjun-centric drabbles and fics! they’ll all be ship fics unless stated otherwise.

minhee doesn’t think too much about it. 

he doesn’t think of the way hyeongjun leaps into serim’s arms when they discover they’re going to be roommates. he doesn’t think of the nearly instinctual, too-natural way serim instantly hooks hyeongjun’s legs around his waist when the latter pounces on him in his excitement. or the way they just stare at each other in that lovey dovey manner when hyeongjun’s in serim’s arms. 

they look good together, minhee especially, _desperately_ tries not to think too much in that direction. the thought of serim’s cool, boyfriend-like charisma versus hyeongjun’s cute, innocent, and sometimes even _feisty_ persona.

minhee also doesn’t fail to notice the way they’re paired up together in almost every shoot, show appearance, and even social media post. and why wouldn’t they be? their chemistry was so natural, even the _fans_ saw it almost instantly.

it’s the same off-stage too. in fact, their chemistry and friendship on-stage and off barely held any difference aside from the fact that they had to be _asked_ to _hold back_ their touchiness when on camera. minhee has to constantly keep himself distracted every time the duo does something together, be it a cute selca for their fancafe or a tik-tok video. and _lord_ does woobin give him _so much shit_ for it. 

it also doesn’t help that serim liked hyeongjun’s bed better than his own, and was very _vocal_ about his admittance to that fact. minhee tries to sleep away that thought every single night without fail, willing himself not to think about serim back-hugging hyeongjun, hyeongjun whining sleepily at serim to go back to his own bed, before the two slowly fall asleep cuddling together to the lull of taeyoung’s gentle snoring. 

did he hate his leader for that? no, not at all. he loves serim as much as anyone else in their group does. he’s selfless, he's good-natured, and he’s such a fool for his dongsaengs that it isn’t even funny (actually no, it kinda is). everyone _knows_ how affectionate serim is, especially to the maknae line, and that’s just part of his personality. and minhee was cool with that!

but...did it really have to be with hyeongjun? _all the time?_

it’s unchecked jealousy, minhee’s aware of that. hyeongjun’s not called a hyung attractor by his fanbase for nothing. minhee’s lost count of the amount of times where all hyeongjun has to do is the bare minimum (eg. breathe) and he has senior idols falling for his charms left and right. he remembers one instance where they were on a show with daewhi and the senior literally had to _physically restrain_ himself from going over to coddle the younger boy while the program was still airing.

it was hilarious, that minhee has to admit. it was hilarious, and it was also _extremely frustrating_ to watch.

  
  
  


and yet, despite it all.

deep inside his mind, minhee _knows_ he’ll always be the one in hyeongjun’s heart. the one hyeongjun allows in his space when he’s scared and anxious about their second debut, wallowing in the fear of not living up to fans’ expectations. the one hyeongjun goes to when he wants to be alone with his thoughts but doesn't want to be alone _physically_. because to hyeongjun, minhee was his quiet place, his safe space where nobody could judge him. and minhee never questions it when hyeongjun comes to his room, lays down beside the taller boy while he’s watching videos and doesn’t do anything else. 

he _knows_ he’s in hyeongjun’s heart by the way hyeongjun calls his name out in his sleep. and his heart tries not to ache at the low, almost _apologetic_ way hyeongjun whines out his name, his “miniyah, i’m sorry” being both endearing yet painful to hear every morning when he’s assigned to wake the smaller boy up from his sleep. an ironic reversal of how hyeongjun used to wake him up back in x1. 

he thinks, thinks about the way hyeongjun’s distressed expression immediately relaxes whenever minhee kneels down next to his bed and gently, delicately runs his long fingers along the scalp of his no longer iconic curly poodle hair. the way hyeongjun’s scrunched expression just _melts_ to give way to a peaceful, sleepy smile as he gradually blinks his large, curious puppy dog eyes open, eyelashes fluttering prettily while staring at minhee like he’s the only person in the entire world he ever wants to dream about.

“morning, hyeongjunnie,” minhee whispers, knuckles caressing lovingly against hyeongjun’s squishy, puffy cheek - no doubt due to the two bowls of ramyeon he consumed last night. 

“miniyah,” hyeongjun whines, and he shuffles groggily in his bed, trying to register his bearings, before yanking his blanket off of him and lying flat against his back, arms reaching out towards minhee.

“carry me.” 

minhee quirks an eyebrow at the request. he rests his forearms on top of the bed and stares at hyeongjun with an amused expression.

“i’m not serim hyung, i can’t carry you without breaking my back while i’m at it.” 

hyeongjun pouts.

“you make it sound like i’m fat.” 

“well, you did gain 1kg last week -”

“minheeeeee!” hyeongjun whines, and _loudly_ , “you’re not supposed to call me out like that!” 

“why not? you’re still as adorable as ever either way.” the compliment slips out easily, and hyeongjun blinks in surprise before shyly hiding his face into the crook of his arm.

“miniyah...you can’t say that stuff to me so early in the morning. i don’t know how to process it!” 

“process what? the fact that i find you cute?” 

minhee’s grin widens as hyeongjun squeaks and burrows his face deeper into the sheets, hands covering his face so minhee can’t catch the beautiful pink shade he’s come to love to see on the dancer’s cheeks every day. 

“n-not cute, am manly,” hyeongjun murmurs indignantly. 

minhee snorts, “if you’re manly, i’m short.” 

“rude.” minhee can’t see it, but he _knows_ hyeongjun is pouting, removing his hands so minhee can bask at the fact that _he_ made hyeongjun blush like that. _him_. not serim, or wonjin, or anyone else. _him._  
  


they stare at each other for awhile, enjoying the rare moment of peace and silence in the room. minhee knows the moment isn’t going to last, already hearing the sizzle of the pan from the kitchen and the aroma of sausages wafting the air. woobin would be nagging at them to come out to eat their breakfast soon, so minhee takes this opportunity to bask in the presence of the metaphorical sun that was hyeongjun. 

hyeongun truly was his vitamin, in more ways than one. 

“minhee,” hyeongjun’s voice is soft, wanting, “come here.” 

minhee doesn’t even hesitate, the thought of rejecting hyeongjun not even an option as he climbs onto the bed and melts straight into hyeongjun’s embrace, wrapping his arms around hyeongjun’s torso and pressing him closely against his own, and he can already feel the smaller boy relaxing in his arms, the ticklish feeling of his eyelashes fluttering against minhee’s neck. minhee smiles. it’s a warm, familiar feeling.

“are you falling asleep?”

hyeongjun hums. 

“maybe.” 

minhee chuckles lowly against hyeongjun’s ear, and the younger boy snuggles his face deeper into minhee’s neck.

“shh, let’s just stay like this for awhile,” hyeongjun drawls sleepily.

minhee smiles against hyeongjun’s hair, and pulls his body a little bit closer to him, gently inhaling the all too familiar scent of hyeongjun as he tucks his chin on top of the smaller boy’s head. hyeongjun may unintentionally mask his natural scent up with every hair care product in the world, but to minhee, hyeongjun will always smell like home.

“okay.” 

  
  


* * *

“i don’t even know why we make minhee hyung wake hyeongjun hyung up every morning, they always end up like that,” seongmin deadpans, leaning slightly against the open doorway of serim, hyeongjun and taeyoung’s shared bedroom, surrounded by the rest of his hyungs who were all looking onto the scene in varying degrees of fondness, “like seriously, why even bother.”

“we didn’t make him, he volunteered,” woobin interjects in amusement.

“shut up, both of you, this is _adorable_ ,” wonjin fanboys, phone out and spamming photos like photo storage isn’t even a thing. he might upload those pics to fancafe one day, who knows, “ahh hyeongjunnie~ your wonjin hyung wants you to cuddle him like that too!” 

“and face the wrath of mini mini?” serim chuckles fondly, phone also out and spamming pictures, “i swear, me and jjunie were doing a tik tok video yesterday and minhee kept looking back at us and glaring.”

“ah, i remember that. no wonder he was so distracted during our conversation,” jungmo chuckles at the memory, “we’d be talking and then minhee would suddenly turn around and return with an annoyed expression on his face. he was so pouty yesterday, it’s very refreshing.” 

“hyung doesn’t know how to keep his jealousy in check at all~” taeyoung singsongs.

“should we wake them up?” allen inquires, walking over to adjust hyeongjun’s blanket so that it fully covered their intertwined bodies. he didn’t want them catching a cold after all.

“lets give them a couple more minutes,” serim sighs sweet-naturedly, enjoying the wholesomeness of the scene like a proud father. 

“we say that every time,” seongmin shakes his head, “every single time, hyung.”

“well, you know what they say,” wonjin muses cheerfully while ushering everyone out of the room, “morning time is minisong time.”

“what the hell is a mini - please get off twitter, hyung.” 

“hmph. rude.” 

  
  



	2. serim is not paid enough for this [hyeongjun/serim] [fluff/hurt] [underage drinking]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> serim leaves the kids unattended for ten minutes.
> 
> (this is a little more cravity-centric, but it’s is definitely hyeongjun/serim-centric don’t worry kids)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah if y’all didn’t read there’s an underage drinking tag in the chapter title so gonna put it out here: there is. underage. drinking.

_this._

_this is why i’m not paid enough for this._

serim watches unamused at the chaos unfolding in front of him. 

you’d think being the oldest and the leader of the group would entitle him to a few hyung perks. like being able to cuddle your adorable little dongsaengs whenever you want. or having no-one eat your mint-chocolate ice-cream without explicit permission. or not having to fear for your pig plushie’s life whenever it’s in hyeongjun’s hands - 

yeah. 

no.

he - quote him on this - had gone to shower for approximately ten minutes. _ten._ right after he and allen packed way the groceries and secretly hid the case of soju onto the highest shelf behind the spices, away from the maknae line’s reach (it was for a good cause, he nods to himself, thinking of all the opportunities they could have where the maknae line weren’t around so the hyung line gang could just crash and cry in the middle of the night singing to trot songs with no one judging them cough cough seongmin). 

he had only been gone for _ten minutes._ _TEN._ and _pray tell,_ how on earth did minhee (that brat) find the case of soju within ten minutes, invite the entire maknae line to drink a sip from a bottle each, got _all_ of them intoxicated, then somehow managed to get the _rest_ of the hyung line drunk which resulted in allen trying to take care of everyone by himself after hearing seongmin screeching. in a span TEN. WHOLE. MINUTES? 

serim wants to cry, not gonna lie. he’s a tough, intimidating guy on the outside. but on the inside he’s just as soft and uwu as everyone else and just wants hugs from his dongsaengs. and he kinda needs one now from watching the hellish scene in front of him.

first off, seongmin and wonjin were on the couch, and a red-faced seongmin was attempting to strangle a giggling wonjin with his bare hands.

that was nothing new. 

then there was woobin on the balcony, drunkenly dancing while belting a whole ass serenade to the _moon_ of all things, and serim is 99% sure they’re going to get noise complaints in the morning. 

minhee was on the floor, arms and legs spread out in an x-position, his mouth wide open and his eyes round as saucers, looking like he just discovered the meaning of the universe after one sip of soju. serim’s concerned, because minhee hasn’t moved since serim walked in, and he doesn’t know if the kid is breathing or not. the 99z cautiously makes his way to the giant boy, and nudges his butt with his socked feet. minhee doesn’t respond except for a tiny ‘blep’, so serim thinks he’s alive.

kind of. 

then on the other side of the room, there was jungmo and - ah fuck - jungmo was crying, _crying._ oh lord serim was _not_ equipped to handle this. jungmo was huddled into a tiny little ball in the corner of the room being very emotional. 

he’s also bawling his feelings out to _allen_ of all people - which meant that he _really_ was out of his mind intoxicated - venting about how useless he is and how everyone ignores him all the time. and allen (bless him) was just awkwardly patting jungmo on the back and telling him that he’s an okay guy, sometimes.

then - ah, he already has a headache coming on - there was taeyoung, passed out halfway on the couch where seongmin was _still_ strangling wonjin. the bleached-haired maknae was curled up adorably, hugging pinkgie (how did _pinkgie_ even end up there?), snoring like the angel he was and being one less headache for the leader (he still has to carry the kid to his room though). 

and lastly, but definitely not the least troublesome, was -

“hyuuuuuuuuung.” 

serim pinches the bridge of his nose at the all-to familiar presence clinging on to his back.

“hyungieeee. pay attention to me!” 

serim wants to cry. he really, really does. if this was another ordinary day, he'd be totally unashamed in returning his bunkmate’s affections with ten times the gusto. but _now_ really wasn’t the time and place to be giving out hugs and - 

“serim hyung!” 

“what is it, hyeongjunnie?” stronger men have succumbed to this, serim reminds himself, as he cautiously glances around to the sight of a pink, pouty, puppy dog-eyed hyeongjun - whose flush had travelled all the way from his neck to his forehead - clinging onto his leader’s back like a needy koala. 

_hyeongjun you’re so cute let me pinch you -_

“attention!” hyeongjun giggles giddily, arms squeezing around serim’s abs, “hehe...jjunie wants attention! gimme!”

“but i’m already giving you attention, jjunie,” serim responds kindly, and kicks himself for instinctively using his baby tone on his dongsaeng 

_but he IS a baby!_ he self-argues.

“no!” hyeongjun pouts, and oh he _pouts oh lord_ , hugging serim even tighter and the leader can _smell_ the stench of alcohol off the smaller boy, “jjunie wants hugs! and kisses! and more soju!” 

_serim he’s drunk, don’t you even think about it,_ his brain scolds him, _but the hugs sound like such a good idea! fuck!_

“no, that’s enough soju for you, baby,” serim already feels himself blushing at the use of the nickname, since when did he casually have the balls to call hyeongjun that? “you’re not even allowed to drink anyway, so i can’t give you any.” 

hyeongjun’s face _falls_ at that and serim internally panics. shit, what did he do now? 

the dancer’s eyes well up and his lower lip trembles and serim is about a breath away from committing everything including murder to stop his baby dancer from crying because if he was gonna cry he was only allowed to cry from happiness, goddammit! 

“then...no hugs and kisses?” hyeongjun’s voice is barely a whisper, his entire body shivering and serim’s heart clenches at his maknae’s tearstruck reaction. he gently removes hyeongjun’s vice-like grip around his waist and turns to protectively cup the younger boy’s warm cheeks in his hands. ah, and how soft and squishy they were! 

he’s so cute, so _goddamn_ cute that serim wants to _squeal_. his lips were all red and raw from biting on them too much, his cheeks more pink and plump than usual and his hair a mess, sticking out everywhere, which somehow made him even _more_ endearing than he should have been. he looks away from serim, eyes downcast, little fingers anxiously playing with the sleeve of his hoodie that looked at least six sizes too big and very likely belonged to minhee. 

“jjunie-ah, look at me,” serim crooks a finger under his dongsaeng’s chin so the younger can look at his leader properly, “hyung’s a bit busy now. he has to get all your brothers to bed. so why don’t you run along first and hyung will give you all the attention you want after, okay?”

hyeongjun nods dumbly, his body nodding along in tandem like a roly poly toy and _gosh_ that was the most adorable thing serim had ever seen in his life. 

“so...hugs and kisses after?” hyeongjun’s eyes widen hopefully, and serim grins and reaches over to ruffle the dancer’s already mussed up hair. the younger dancer shuts his eyes and huffs at the older’s sudden assault of affection to his hair. 

“hugs and kisses after,” serim promises, and the giggly little smile he loves seeing on his maknae’s face returns back with full force; and he genuinely thinks hyeongjun lives up to his name as vitamin by the sheer inexplicable way his smile lights up the entire room in a heartbeat.

“p-pinky promise?” hyeongjun brings up his little pinky, pouting and glaring at serim to do the same. serim laughs at the younger’s childishness and links their pinkies together. 

“i promise,” serim answers honestly, and hyeongjun’s smile reaches his eyes as he stumbles and wraps his arms around the leader’s torso again, the suddenness of the action making serim jump a bit as he instinctively wraps his arms around hyeongjun to support his body.

“you promised! you promised!” hyeongjun singsongs happily and serim can’t help but chuckle, his dongsaeng really was super adorable, “can jjunie get a kiss first? i’ll promise i’ll go to bed then!” 

serim sighs and pecks the younger’s cheek, laughing at the way hyeongjun glares at him when he pulls away and playfully smushes the younger’s cheeks together.

“that’s not a real kiss!” hyeongjun whines, before bringing his finger up to clumsily jab at his lower lip, smiling giddily, “i want a kiss _here_!” 

serim’s heart stops and he can feel his entire body heat up. 

_w….what?_

“like the couples on k-dramas!” and - not this shit again - hyeongjun starts pulling his best puppy dog eyes at his leader, the same ones that made serim go down to the convenience store at 1am in the morning just to buy the younger ice-cream even after arguing for fifteen minutes that it was going to make hyeongjun’s face puffy for the photoshoot later during the day.

_(he bought two tubs of hyeongjun’s favorite ice-cream with many regrets but it was worth it just to see his maknae’s smiling face okay so sue him!)_

yeah call him whipped or whatever, but if their own _staff_ could barely resist the power of hyeongjun’s aegyo, what made people think that _he_ had a chance against it?

“no jjunie, i gave you a kiss already,” serim placates the the dancer, hoping the younger boy doesn’t notice his voice wavering, “we pinky promised, remember? be good for hyung and go to bed first okay?” 

hyeongjun lets his hands go slack and stomps his feet, “hmph! fine. jjunie will be good for hyung, but hyung better remember his promise!”

serim heaves a sigh of relief and pats hyeongjun’s head before lightly pushing the dancer to the direction of their bedroom. the dancer huffs with an “i’m going i’m going!” while stumbling down the hallway. serim sighs fondly. 

now, back to….whatever the hell this was. 

  
  


* * *

cut to thirty minutes later (while simultaneously being judged by allen, who had watched the entire exchange with eyes of pitying judgement), and serim is pretty proud of how quick the two of them managed to take care of everyone with minor difficulty. minhee aside, because while that brat was a skinny bitch he was also a tall bitch who refused to move and the leader ended up dumping him halfway onto the bed because his limbs wouldn’t operate properly and calling it a day’s work. 

_(he tucked him in properly and draped a blanket over the boy afterwards. he wasn’t_ that _cruel.)_

and then there was allen, who had to convince seongmin that if wonjin wasn’t alive there wouldn’t be anyone to annoy him anymore, and the maknae drunkenly relented on that twisted logic (with some hesitation) and the short hyung made him and wonjin kiss and make up (not literally) before sending them off to their rooms respectively. 

woobin had to be dragged in kicking and screaming because he wasn’t finished serenading the fire hydrant four blocks down with his “beautiful vocals, god fucking damn hyung haven’t you heard me?” and serim foresees himself many hours later brewing honey lemon tea for woobin to soothe his (soon to be) sore throat. 

jungmo...went to bed without much argument. he’s still crying, except it was because he squished an ant earlier and felt really guilty about it. serim thinks he’s a bit too pure for this world, really. 

which left taeyoung, who was (god bless his young heart) still happily sleeping while hugging pinkgie, knees tucked against his chest and snoring loudly. 

and if allen had taken one look at the sleeping maknae - and immediately took several pictures right after - before walking back to his room without a word, serim wasn’t one to judge. because who hasn’t been there, seriously?

he ends up princess carrying the sleeping maknae up to their shared bedroom, pushing the door ajar quietly with his foot and peeking into the darkness. 

and inside was hyeongjun lying flat on his side of the bunk, snoring quietly while simultaneously talking about missing his mother. again, nothing new. 

serim thanks every deity in existence that he doesn’t have to deal with hyeongjun’s neediness for affection (his face heats up again at the thought of hyeongjun’s request. while he loved cuddling and hugging hyeongjun, the kid passing out before he could make the leader could go through with their pinky promise was a fucking blessing in disguise) as he carefully climbs the bunk and sets the tall maknae down on the upper bed and tucks him in carefully.

serim considers taking back his pig, but relents after tugging the leg of the plushie lightly only for taeyoung to loudly mutter a “no!” and abruptly turn over to hug the poor pig even tighter to his chest. it’s adorable, and serim tries not to irritate adorable things because he wants them to stay adorable for a little longer. 

he’s about to tuck himself in when he rolls over to hyeongjun’s side and almost jumps a foot off the bed when a large pair of eyes blink at him in the darkness.

“h...yung?” hyeongjun mutters sleepily and serim feels something catch in his throat at the sound, and the cute way hyeongjun’s groggily rubbing his fist over his eyes, “why are you up? it’s late…”

_oh thank god he sounds sober,_ serim laments, thoroughly relieved. he hears hyeongjun slowly shuffling over and serim quickly rolls to the side so hyeongjun can dump his entire body on the older’s bed and lazily drag the leader into a half-hearted cuddle. 

“hmm, aren’t you a needy one today?” serim casually states as hyeongjun quietly nuzzles his head onto serim’s shoulder while clumsily trying to entangle their limbs together so they could share some body warmth, “you’re not normally the type who goes to other people’s beds unless you’re sleepwalking.”

“don’t act like you hate it,” hyeongjun mumbles, arm going lax around the leader’s waist.

“i’m not, i’m just saying,” serim retorts, leaning over slightly to bop their noses together. he watches with fondness as hyeongjun’s cute little nose twitches at the action.

hyeongjun blinks his eyes open, and it feels like the world falls silent around them when he stares into hyeongjun’s pretty eyes. it’s as if the world stopped just for them, just for this one moment. 

“i still want a good night kiss hyung,” hyeongjun pleads softly, almost too soft for serim to hear, “remember? we pinky promised. and if you break a pinky promise…”

“...then you’re a weak bitch and you deserve no rights,” serim finishes for him. hyeongjun lets out quiet little giggles at the response, and seriously, one boy shouldn’t make serim feel this soft but he does anyway. 

“alright,” serim relents after a moment’s pause. he lowers hyeongjun’s chin, and presses his lips on hyeongjun’s forehead for a few seconds before pulling away and patting the younger on the head, “there you go. a kiss.”

“but i wanted an adult kiss!” hyeongjun whines. _ah, still drunk then,_ serim deadpans, _normal jjunie would be too tsundere to ask for affection this bluntly._

“hyeongjunnie, you shouldn’t give your first kiss away to just anyone you know?” serim lectures, finger bopping hyeongjun’s nose again, “you should give it to someone you really like. a boy - or a girl! hyung won’t judge - that you really, really, _really_ like.”

“but i like _you_ hyung,” hyeongjun whispers desperately and the older boy seizes up, “ _you’re_ the one i like. i like you more than anyone else in the world.”

serim clenches his fist to stop his heart from racing again. hyeongjun was _drunk_ , he didn’t actually _know_ what he was saying, and he was a fucking _minor_ for _crying out loud_ ! even if the admission that hyeongjun _really_ liked him and wanted to give his first kiss to serim felt oddly…gratifying. but still! no!

“y-you’re too young for me, hyeongjun-ah,” serim’s voice is shaky, and he tenderly cups the younger boy’s face in his hands, thumb caressing his cheek as hyeongjun starts to cry quietly, tears falling rapidly down his flushed cheeks, “i can’t promise you anything, but you can ask me this question in a couple of years okay? when you’re older. much older.” 

“w-why...why can’t you promise me, hyung?” hyeongjun’s lower lip wobbles. 

serim gently wipes away hyeongjun’s tears as he leans down to press a gentle, much more sincere kiss on the younger boy’s temple. immediately hyeongjun’s lips open into a startled pout and looks up to his leader in confusion.

“i can’t promise you anything because you’re not going to remember this conversation in the morning,” serim smiles, and it hurts him too, knowing hyeongjun was likely going to forget all of this, and they would act like this event never even happened. because serim _knows_ what’s best for hyeongjun, and it’s definitely not him, “and you’ll find someone you’ll really like in the future. someone who isn’t gonna be as old as me. someone like...minhee.”

hyeongjun chokes. “as _if._ minhee’s a booger.” 

serim splutters and muffles his chuckles on his pillow, that was so _fucking_ sudden and unexpected and - 

“and you’re old now anyway...so i don’t know why i can’t like you when you’re older later,” hyeongjun admits slowly, flushing harder. 

“hey, i’m not _that_ old,” serim pouts, trying not to feel too happy hearing that confession, “we’re only like...four years apart.”

“hag.”

“i don’t even - you and wonjin need to get off of twitter.”

“boomer.” 

“okay that’s it. jjunie, _sleep_ ,” serim orders, fingers reaching over to rub that special spot on hyeongjun’s neck, the spot that instantly makes the younger boy relax on reflex, eyelashes fluttering sleepily, “i know it’s a break day today, but babies need to sleep properly in order to grow taller.”

“n...not a baby,” hyeongjun mumbles sleepily, burrowing closer into serim’s side, fluffy head resting on the older boy’s bicep, “w-won’t...forget.”

_no, jjunie, you will_ , serim thinks sadly, carding his fingers through hyeongjun’s locks as the younger boy slowly drifts off to sleep, _you will, and that’s okay. i’ll still love you even if you forget._

and with that, they fall asleep together, entangled in each other’s limbs, dreaming of what _could_ have been. 

  
  


* * *

“ _BLEEERRRRRRRGHHHHHHH_ -”

“OH GOD MINHEE HYUNG ARE YOU OKAY -”

“s-seongmini, please don’t throw up in the sink -”

“HYUNG I WILL THROW UP ALL OF OVER YOUR CLOTHES IF YOU DO NOT STEP AWAY FROM THE SINK DO NOT TEST ME I _WILL_ DO IT -” 

“what the fuck is going on up in this shit hole -”

“hyung, your LA is jumping out - and whY ARE THERE HAND MARKS AROUND MY _NECK_ HOLY SHIT -” 

“wonjin, language,” serim sighs sleepily, too tired to give a shit while looking over at the members huddled in one bathroom portraying a scene of hell while doing a mental headcount, excluding himself and hyeongjun, who was still completely passed out on the bed and immobile.

“where’s rubi?” 

“other bathroom,” everyone choruses in unison - excluding minhee and seongmin, who clearly had more than they should have had last night and were paying the price for it - while pointing to the direction of the other bathroom.

“ah.” if the oddly in-tune hurl from hell he heard in his sleep prior to this scene had anything to do with woobin completely monopolizing the second bathroom, then serim was definitely going to be making tea for the vocalist later on.

“hmm, alcohol doesn’t taste that good now, huh kids?” serim inquiries sarcastically.

“no hyung...”

“ _BLEEEEEEERRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH - !”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyday’s just been like writing 500 words for that college au minisong fics and vomiting out (lol) a blurb for this one. also should i write a sequel for this? idk. writing serim is easy bc he’s literally just me whenever i look at hyeongjun.


	3. to all the boys hyeongjun loved before pt. 1 [hyeongjun/multi] [fluff/hurt]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the simplified version: hyeongjun falls in love. a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m leaving the pairings for this chapter a surprise. this is also a two-shot, because my dumb ass wanted to write a quick drabble but ended up writing a 4k blurb, so take that what you will. 
> 
> i also did not bother to beta read this. i will regret this in the morning, surely.

hyeongjun loves a lot of things.

he loves the soft baby blue hues of the morning sky, the sound of crinkling grass under his feet, the soft chirping of birds and the gentle melody of bells when he walks past the door to the bakery for his early morning shift. 

he loves the aroma of fresh baked goods every morning, the blessed sight of rows upon rows of different types of bread lining the shelves, the feeling of wooseok’s arms glomping him from behind and squishing him to his chest because he needs his “daily dose of vitamin song” every morning (or else he becomes woosatan, and _nobody_ wants that). 

he likes greeting the ahjumma regulars and being amused when they coo over him, sometimes giving him extra tips for being “super cute, as per usual.” and while he doesn’t like it when he gets hit on during work (he doesn’t have it in him to say no, okay!), he does appreciate wooseok glaring at said customers over his shoulder in warning, which does the trick very efficiently. 

hyeongjun loves a lot of things - a great too many things - and sometimes, the things he loves don’t always apply to just _things_. 

he falls in love with people faster than he can even process said emotion. and when you’re someone like hyeongjun, who has a big heart and a bigger need to _love_ , you’re bound to fall in love, and _often_. 

and when he falls in love, he falls in love, _hard_.

  
  


* * *

  
wonjin was his first friend, and his first boyfriend.

hyeongjun was fifteen when they got together, and vividly remembers how the topic even came up in the first place. 

wonjin had rolled over on his two poster bed one free afternoon, stared at hyeongjun dead in the eye, and casually asked if wanted to try out this whole “dating thing” with him. hyeongjun’s heart _fluttered_ at the very thought of it. of having his very first _boyfriend_ , who also _happened_ to be the same person he loved and cared for dearly since they said they first words.

coincidentally, he was also fifteen when they broke up. 

it was nothing personal, really. they had a good run together, and they did all things that they’d always done together when they were just friends. it was as if nothing really changed, just the title of their relationship. 

hyeongjun recalls the playful teasing of his friends, especially minhee, when wonjin boasted about how amazing hyeongjun was, how cute and adorable his face looked when wonjin tickled his sides, while hyeongjun pouted and blushed and hid his face behind his hands in embarrassment.

hyeongjun _appreciated_ that nothing changed between them. that wonjin still broke down hyeongjun’s door every morning and practically hugged him to death as his daily ritual. that they still walked to school together, and hung out with their same group of friends after classes everyday. it felt _nice_ to have a sense of normalcy when you’re dating your best friend. even if wonjin was still as annoying and over-affectionate as he’d always been, pinching hyeongjun’s cheeks whenever the chance arose and teasing the younger boy relentlessly for his fluffy reactions. 

at that time, hyeongjun thought, _this was perfect_. 

wonjin. his very first boyfriend. his first, and his _last_. his firsts for everything from then on and in the future. hyeongjun had truly believed in that ideal. fifteen and naive, that absolutely _nothing_ could come in between their relationship. 

that was, up until wonjin walked him home from karaoke one fateful night, told hyeongjun to wait, clasped the smaller boy’s hands in his own, closed his eyes, and leaned in for a kiss. 

hyeongjun panicked. 

he remembers wonjin comforting him when he suddenly whimpered, and broke down sobbing and hiccuping uncontrollably, telling wonjin “i’m sorry, i’m sorry” over and over again, while the older boy hugged him and told him it was alright. that he wasn’t hurt.

(he was.) 

and then hyeongjun realised. that the reason why their relationship didn’t feel any different to when they were friends was because that’s what he always considered wonjin to be. a best friend. nothing more, nothing less. 

and with that - considering they did start out as friends, and what with wonjin’s extra loving, extroverted personality, and tendency to forgive and forget - they broke up without any bad blood between them, and went back to being the best friends they’d always had been. 

and sometimes, hyeongjun feels they were a lot closer than ever before compared to when they were dating.

it was a nice upgrade, if not an unexpected one. and as for first boyfriend experiences, it was definitely a positive one. and hyeongjun will forever be grateful that his first boyfriend was also his best friend.   
  


* * *

  
his next love is a little... _older_ than usual. 

he’s sixteen when his homeroom teacher steps inside the classroom, and he almost has a goddamn heart attack because holy shit, his _visuals_. 

han seungwoo was the perfect homeroom teacher, and hyeongjun wasn't the only one who noticed this. seungwoo was as kind and understanding as he was beautiful, and he never raised his voice even once for the entire duration that he’d been hyeongjun’s homeroom teacher. he didn’t need to anyway, because every time you looked at him, you’d be a loss for words. he was _that_ gorgeous. 

hyeongjun crushes on his teacher faster than you could say, “hyeongjun, _no_.” 

not only was he kind and beautiful, but he was so, _so_ patient. even when hyeongjun had problems keeping up with the class during math, he’d never scolded hyeongjun even once. he’d just smile, and suggest for hyeongjun to come see him after school for extra classes, to which hyeongjun would rather _die_ than to refuse. and every time seungwoo smiled at him in his typical, snoopy-like manner for getting something right, hyeongjun would be _over the moon_. the attention and the praise was _addictive_ , and hyeongjun craved _more_ of it.

unfortunately, it was an uphill battle trying to capture said teacher’s attention outside of classes. seungwoo was _constantly_ flocked by girls - and the occasional elderly female staff - and it was nearly _impossible_ to find the older man alone at any point of time during the day. the entire semester was just hyeongjun getting adorably frustrated every time seungwoo got (conveniently) accosted by some random student, and his friends mocking him for his inability to man up and confess to his devilishy handsome teacher.

of course, his crush died instantly after seungwoo revealed that he was happily engaged (and gay, much to his devastated fangirls) during valentine’s day. hyeongjun was heartbroken, but he admitted that the relationship wasn’t going to work anyway (he said this after giving away six pounds of valentine’s day chocolates he made the night before to his bunch of bewildered but very hungry friends while being oblivious to the sighs of despair from his own devastated fanbase). 

(he fondly remembers minhee eating three pounds on his own and getting sick immediately after, much to junho and eunsang’s amusement).  
  


* * *

  
his third love comes unexpectedly in his senior year, and it comes in the form of son dongpyo asking him out to prom. 

it’s unexpected, because hyeongjun was 99% sure the other smaller, sassier boy saw him as a rival and nothing else. they belonged to the same dance club, and the second hyeongjun entered the room for audition during their first year, dongpyo had _immediately_ stood up, pointed his finger at him, and called hyeongjun his “rival in cute”.

of course, hyeongjun’s view on this whole “rivalry” was pretty skewed, considering he’d never had a rivalry before. and if it was, then it was definitely a one-sided one. because for one, hyeongjun thinks dongpyo is cute, if not slightly irritating. and secondly, he’s never really had a friend who’s had the same interests as him and his passion for dance, and he may or may not have secretly enjoyed it whenever dongpyo barged into his classroom after school while he was in the middle of talking to his friends, and aggressively dragged him into a girl group random dance off.

dongpyo insists that their dance offs are a “competition” despite there being no rules, and no proper judge (unless you count wonjin and minhee as judges, because eunsang and junho had run off to make kissy faces at each other during dongpyo’s intrusion), but at the same time he’s laughing and squealing at hyeongjun whenever they both recognize a song together and _immediately_ break out into it like they’ve been practicing it for years. and while hyeongjun considers dongpyo a little annoying for his insistence on their “rivalry”, he can’t help but think that that’s the most attractive thing about him. that dongpyo was so _blunt_ about his intentions, and was honest to the point of rudeness.

it’s refreshing. and endearing. and with that combination, hyeongjun falls in love, _again_. 

so when dongpyo asks (very nervously and adorably, he might add) hyeongjun out to prom, he’s _ecstatic_. they were so alike, and dongpyo was as funny as he was cute, full of aegyo charms that never failed to make hyeongjun giggle, and they _dominated_ the dance floor without a care for the world. he remembers the other 02z gang joining in at one point, but he’s never felt more alive than he did when dongpyo linked their fingers together and laughed while staring into hyeongjun’s eyes, as they clumsily danced a duet while stepping over each other’s feet like starstruck lovers from la la land.

hyeongjun swore he could hear fireworks _exploding_ in his ears when - in the heat of the moment - dongpyo happily grabbed hyeongjun’s neck and pulled him into an excited, messy kiss that hyeongjun found himself eagerly reciprocating without a moment’s hesitation. and from then on, hyeongjun prayed that he could share many more of those magical kisses with dongpyo over and over again, until his lips were sore and he could barely even breathe. 

hyeongjun felt like he was the main lead of a romantic, coming-of-age musical, and it was _incredible_. 

but of course, just like his crush on seungwoo, it doesn't last very long. 

and unlike his relationship with wonjin, it doesn’t end as well either. 

because while hyeongjun and dongpyo were so _similar_ in interests - and in almost every other aspect - it also meant that while they could enjoy their hobbies together and essentially do everything together, it also led to things getting very boring. and boy, did they get boring _fast_. 

over time, hyeongjun stops going over to dongpyo’s place to hang out and dance, and vice versa. the tantalizing spark he’d experienced during prom dims a little more every time dongpyo kisses him. they don’t talk on the phone as often as they normally do, from six hours of talktime to a pathetic six minutes, and their usual excessive, rapid texts end up being reduced to just casual greetings, “wyd?” and the random meme here and there. 

they barely interact during club time, choosing to hang out with their usual social circles prior to prom, and dongpyo slowly stops barging into hyeongjun’s classroom altogether. all of it happened within a span of six months, and yet them drifting apart felt so _natural_ to the point where he didn’t really _process_ it happening until minhee went up to him one day, concerned, and asked if he and dongpyo were okay.

and that’s when he realises it. 

how him and dongpyo went from being “rivals”, to friends, to star-crossed lovers, back to strangers all over again. it was a jarring experience, one that surprised hyeongjun because he wasn’t even aware of _when_ he started losing those feelings for dongpyo, and the shock of how it didn’t even _hurt_ when he realised that they no longer loved each other as intensely as they did before. 

he feels a little empty afterwards, but he thinks it’s for the better. 

neither him or dongpyo bothered to address the breakup. maybe because they didn’t really need to, both knowing that they didn’t have any more feelings for each other - which ironically proved how similar they reallywere - and that was the end to their fleeting, rivals-to-boyfriends love story. 

a story straight out of fanfiction, but sure as hell didn’t end like one.  
  


* * *

  
  
  
the next time he falls in love is a little...strange.

he’s always admired idols, always wanted to become one himself. he craved to dominate the stage with his dancing, to the crowd of cheering fans, to be constantly showered in an abundance of gifts and praise and love. 

and yet he’s _completely_ thrown off when a handsome sophomore by the name of kim minkyu accidentally stumbles straight onto his door in the midst of moving to his college room (with the help of his snickering friends), asking if he needed help with the moving while nervously introducing himself as hyeongjun’s dorm RA and long-time “fan”.

so long story short: apparently, minkyu was the awkward, hardworking senior back in high school that hyeongjun had patiently helped with a choreo during dance practice, but quit after being recruited to join the student council. 

and aside from being the school council president, he was _also_ the vice-president of the song hyeongjun fan club, and confessed to never forgetting the moment where hyeongjun had helped him with the dance choreo, and had fallen in love with the younger boy right there and then in a heartbeat.

hyeongjun remembers wanting to strangle all of his friends - especially minhee, that ass, for laughing for over twenty minutes straight and had to be slapped because he literally would not _stop_ laughing - for giving their senior so much _shit_ because apparently everyone and their mothers knew about minkyu’s giant crush on hyeongjun except for hyeongjun himself. his crush had also gone on for _three years_ , and hyeongjun was _horrified_ (at the same time very, very flattered). 

he thinks that maybe it’s his ego talking (knowing that he actually had a devoted fan, and a _male_ one at that) - or the fact that minkyu was _devastatingly_ handsome - that pushes him to accept a coffee date, amongst many other dates soon to follow, with the handsome, sophomore boy.

that was also the first time he had ever dated someone older and more mature than he was (wonjin did _not_ count, he practically acted like a same-age friend, maybe even younger, god). and the experience was...pleasant. 

hyeongjun doesn’t expect himself to fall in love with kim minkyu (yeah right, like we believe you), but it’s hard. _very_ hard not to fall for the older boy’s clumsy, eager charms and model good looks. minkyu was every girl’s ideal dream boyfriend - smart, handsome, honest, hardworking, if not a little clumsy - and the way he smiled at hyeongjun whenever he saw the younger boy made hyeongjun feel _special_.

because that was how he’d _always_ felt around minkyu. minkyu made him feel like he was the only person in the world that mattered, and the only one he ever saw. whenever they went on dates, or texted, or called, hyeongjun could always _feel_ minkyu’s love and adoration for him _seep_ through them. and it was such a giddy, wonderful, top-of-the-clouds feeling. hyeongjun would describe the feeling as first love, but maybe just a tiny bit _better ._

and minkyu himself slowly, (very _very_ slowly) broke out of his “devoted fan” mindset over time, and became his usual shy, awkward, endearing self around hyeongjun - which made hyeongjun a lot happier than he should be, seeing the older boy become so naturally comfortable with him to the point where he didn’t feel the need to ask hyeongjun whether he could hold his hand anymore.

and hyeongjun finalised it, right then and there - as he was holding minkyu’s hand, fluffy little head resting on the older boy’s shoulder, while they watched the stars in the sky, a half-finished picnic spread in front of them (courtesy of minkyu, the romanticist) - that kim minkyu, his long-time fan turned boyfriend of three years, was his meant-to-be. his future husband. his _soulmate_. forever and ever, till death do us part.

and yet again, just like all of his other crushes and relationships. all of it. _all_ of it comes to a sad, sad end.

in fact, “sad” is an understatement. it ends very, _very_ badly, and absolutely _not_ in the way hyeongjun expects it to be.

it all happened so fast. he remembers waking up one morning in his dorm room, to minkyu telling him that he was going overseas for further studies, and that he was breaking up with hyeongjun as a result. 

all of it wouldn’t be as bad, if it weren’t for the fact that minkyu - in his moment of cowardice - informed hyeongjun this _over a fucking text message_ , and then _ghosted_ him right after without leaving the younger boy any way to contact him. 

hyeongjun was _inconsolable_ during that ordeal. no one he knew was able to contact minkyu, and he’d never visited minkyu’s home for the three years they’d been together, so he was absolutely _clueless_ in his search of finding the older boy. wonjin had been _furious_ , and while his overdramatic acting on ways to murder minkyu did make hyeongjun laugh once or twice, he still remembers panicking and crying for a whole two months straight over minkyu’s sudden disappearance, and his grades dropped dramatically as a result. 

by the time he got into contact with minkyu (with the help of minhee and his rich parents’ questionable amount of connections) it was far too late, as minkyu’s mother curtly informed hyeongjun that her son had already left the country _before_ he event sent hyeongjun that message, and that there was no way she was going to give a complete stranger she’d never even heard of her son’s contact number.

the news completely _shattered_ hyeongjun. and more importantly, his _trust_. 

imagine dating someone for three years. _three years._ and that someone, who you thought was your world, the person you held first to your heart, had never even once _mentioned_ you to their parents the entire time you two dated.

hyeongjun never got his closure over minkyu, and he doesn’t think it’s worth braving through the journey to get it. 

he gives love a short break after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just wanted to mention that i do not hate any of the ships mentioned here! these are amongst my favorite ships and minglem was my endgame up until pdx ended so rip. this is also my first time writing something expositional like this. 
> 
> and if you couldn’t tell, a lot of these snippets are taken from MY own dating accounts. so it’s a bit personal to me, at the same time please enjoy it bc i sure as hell did.


	4. to all the boys hyeongjun loved before pt. 2 [hyeongjun/multi] [fluff/hurt]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyeongjun finds it a little hard to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. this fic went too far. there’s a third chapter coming for this series, but i’m putting it off because someone on twitter advised me to “make everyone desperate” so enjoy part two of this installment!

after what happened with minkyu, hyeongjun can’t bring himself to fall in love again. 

it takes him almost a year to recuperate. not like he has a choice in the matter, anyway. he’s in his final year of college, and he basically put off half a semester just to find someone who didn’t want to be found. he was falling behind in his studies. and even with the efforts of minhee and junho’s joint tutoring, he was still _barely_ scraping through half of his classes.

and even after he’s graduated, he _still_ doesn’t really know what to do with his life. 

so.

what does he resort to?

...

well, lovely little reader, he resorts to the wonders of casual dating, of course! 

he goes through quite a number of people (like, half a town) after graduation. people he definitely did have feelings for at one point, but not enough to risk getting into a committed relationship with. he goes on dates with them, they keep in contact. some of them end up as friends, some of them move on. he doesn’t take it to heart when they choose the latter. 

he can’t help it, he _wants_ to be loved, he _wants_ to love someone, and he _misses_ the warmth of physical and emotional affection that he can’t achieve entirely even with his closest friends. wonjin tells him he’s only doing it as a coping mechanism for minkyu’s betrayal, and hyeongjun can’t even fight him on that. because he’s _right._ it _is_ a coping mechanism, and an unhealthy one at that.

because every time he thinks. _wow, i’m in love._ his heart just shrivels up like a dying rose, and he backs off the idea entirely. 

he’s scared, he admits that. he’s scared that he’ll fall head over heels again with someone who was just going to abandon him eventually. he’s scared of having his trust broken again. he’s scared to love, scared to be _happy._ he’s scared that if he gives someone part of his heart, they’re just going to take it away and rip it up right in front of him again - and his heart sometimes beats sadly at the giant, crater-sized crack in its core, the one that minkyu unceremoniously left behind as a parting gift. the damage so big that it would take years upon years of healing for hyeongjun to recover from. 

so he dates. he dates for the fun of it. for the cuddles, the hugs, the laughs and the kisses. he dates for the emotional rebound that takes his pain away temporarily, but never fully.

he admits though, he _does_ miss the fun of meeting new people - something he never really got an oppurtunity to do when he was committed with minkyu - and while that was no justification for the breakup, he _has_ met some really, _really_ lovely people along the way.  
  


* * *

case in point: ahn seongmin - to name a few - a younger boy with a cute, bubbly voice that hyeongjun couldn’t help but squeal over. he was one to two years hyeongjun’s junior, and was also minhee’s personal mentee. 

meeting the kid was a pure coincidence. he was at minhee’s place studying to get their drivers’ licenses, when the doorbell rang and minhee nonchalantly mentioned that he was helping wonjin’s dongsaeng friend out with some summer tutoring. 

seongmin was a precocious kid, almost like a younger brother type, and hyeongjun had _immediately_ taken with the smaller boy. with his soft, delicate appearance, tiny voice, shy enthusiasm, and badly hidden case of puppy love for hyeongjun.

he won’t deny it. seongmin was cute. _too_ cute. his own brand of cuteness would’ve given hyeongjun a run for his money if they were the same age and if he was still at college. the kid had a fan club _before_ he even got admitted, for crying out loud! 

and thus, the three of them ended up spending a lot of time together during that slow summer break. and whenever seongmin and hyeongjun were left alone, they’d often head out on bubble tea and ice cream runs together (with the accompaniment of wonjin occasionally), and seongmin would pile on stories of senior college life - something hyeongjun missed dearly, and wishes he could turn back the clock on - and his prank war with wonjin. 

and it was fun - and _extremely amusing_ \- whenever he got to spend time with one of his soon-to-be favorite dongsaengs. seongmin’s eyes would sparkle and his cheeks would redden whenever hyeongjun did something as simple as linking their arms together or patting his usually messy hair, and hyeongjun likens their relationship to one of a baby poodle taking care of a baby rabbit. and it really was just _that_.

so when seongmin admits his crush on hyeongjun - complete with his own pair of begging puppy dog eyes and noona-killer pout that _almost_ makes him waver in his decision - hyeongjun has to turn the younger boy down gently, while subtly pushing him in the direction of his same-age childhood friend taeyoung, who sometimes stared at seongmin like he was his entire world when the other boy wasn’t looking (and hyeongjun’s heart aches. because that was how _minkyu_ used to look at him too, before everything that happened. and he hopes for the best for his two juniors).   
  
(he prays that whatever they had didn’t end up with whatever he was _left_ with.)

* * *

he gets to know kim yohan one day in the middle of job hunting - when he decides to take a rest stop at a new coffee shop that popped up in the very heart of town. 

yohan was your typical handsome barista, taken straight out of your everyday coffeeshop au. complete with broad, muscular shoulders and a friendly, baby-like face - hyeongjun was instantly attracted to him, and the feeling was (clearly) mutual. hyeongjun had giggled cutely when yohan nervously asked for his name, clearly flustered by the cuteness that hyeongjun embodied.

and while he didn’t end up with a job at the end of the day, he _did_ end up with yohan’s number - written messily on a napkin, name signed off with a little heart at the end. 

(hyeongjun thinks yohan has been reading too many coffeeshop au’s, and he hopes he continues reading more of them, because that shit was fucking _adorable_.)

they hit it off well, and yohan borders on _wonjin’s_ level of touchy when hyeongjun finally allows him to pinch his cheeks after his sixth coffee visit. they also go on a few dates whenever yohan’s free after his shifts, coupled by the usual onslaughts of hugs and kisses and “aigoooo, you’re so cute i wanna squeeze you, hyeongjun-ah”. 

and even though yohan’s the oldest he’s ever dated, he’s also the _strongest_ out of all of hyeongjun’s suitors, and hyeongjun’s face pinks whenever yohan casually _hoists_ the smaller boy onto his lap every time he wants to cuddle - a subtle action that never failed to make hyeongjun feel small and delicate at the realization of how _easy_ it was for yohan to just manhandle him like that, as if he weighed nothing.

also.

yohan’s thighs?

(hyeongjun chuckles at the description.)

_crafted and kissed by the hands of god himself._

hyeongjun did consider giving yohan a shot when yohan asked if he wanted to make things official, until he noticed the way yohan’s stare intensified whenever he looked at hangyul - his other fellow barista - and decides to remain just friends with the older boy (much to yohan’s disappointment, but hyeongjun thinks he’ll sort out his own feelings soon. maybe. who knows).  
  


* * *

  
  
through connections, eunsang and junho (who were going strong for over seven years. hyeongjun was _envious_ , but also incredibly happy for them) introduced him to one nam dohyon. actually no, more like they _shoved_ the boy towards hyeongjun, and dohyon had a little panic attack when he almost fell and crushed hyeongjun under his weight and apologized fervently after. hyeongjun was just bewildered, because holy shit this kid was _young_ . _too_ young for hyeongjun to even _consider_ going on anything more than a brotherly outing with. 

and that’s _exactly_ how their dynamic ends up being. dohyon babying hyeongjun, calling him cute every time they bump into each other on the streets, and petting him while being all giggly and sappy whenever hyeongjun smiles at him. and hyeongjun is in love, but not in the way he’s used to. it’s love that’s familial and protective, and it’s silly, because hyeongjun had only known dohyon for a week at that point of time. but if anything happened to the giant of a boy, hyeongjun would cut a bitch, and he’d do it with a smile. 

and dohyon was just _such_ a sweet, excitable kid in general. and despite his impressive height, he was terrified of anything and everything under the sun, and hyeongjun laughs whenever dohyon ducks behind him because he sees a pigeon on the street, or a cockroach on the wall, and hyeongjun has a lot of fun comforting the boy afterwards with movies and snacks (mostly the snacks, really). 

it was like having an older brother and a younger brother at the same time. except the fact that dohyon is _so_ whipped for hyeongjun that he would’ve probably been hyeongjun’s fan club president back in high school if he wasn’t like, three years hyeongjun’s junior. 

dohyon was a really smart kid though. he _knew_ hyeongjun wasn’t interested in him that way, and hyeongjun was relieved to know that he didn’t have to turn down _another_ confession so soon after yohan. 

except dohyon straight up tells him during one movie night that if hyeongjun doesn’t get hitched at thirty, dohyon is going after him. and hyeongjun chokes on his bubble tea at the declaration. 

(he says no, and then yes, because - quote on quote - dohyon was probably going to forget about the promise in like, a week once hyeongjun bribed him with some new brand of snacks.)

(thankfully, he does.)   
  


* * *

serim is a special case. 

and when hyeongjun says special, he _means_ it.

because hyeongjun - for the life of him - doesn’t know where to _start_ in the case of park serim.

serim is special because the second they meet, it’s when hyeongjun believes - for a very brief second - that opposites attract was a _real thing_ , and that park serim made the trope his _concept_. 

he’s twenty two when hyeongjun decides that he wants to pursue a career as a dance instructor, and enrolls himself in a teaching program at his local dance center. serim was his mentor, and - my god - hyeongjun could practically _feel_ the sparks fly between them when their eyes met for the first time. their connection was _electric,_ and when serim looped an easygoing arm around hyeongjun’s shoulder and asked him out for lunch after their introduction, hyeongjun happily says yes, holy shit, _yes_. 

he wasn’t just nice _specifically_ to him either. according to allen - serim’s best friend and long-time suffering co-worker of four years - serim was very well-liked by just about all of their co-workers.

correction.

_everyone_ liked serim, and hyeongjun’s in awe of the amount of connections the dance instructor has with the entire town. 

he’s friends with the janitor of their dance center - and the elderly man would always give serim an extra hour of dance practice in before he locked the place up. he’s also friends with _hangyul_ from the coffee shop, and hyeongjun swears he’s seen the both of them at gym once or twice. he’s even positively acquainted with the cranky old lady at the end of hyeongjun’s street who scowls at everyone she meets - the only ahjumma that hyeongjun never got along with - but the second the lady sees serim walking hyeongjun home after training, she waves at the older boy and tells him to come visit her more often for tea and snacks.

(hyeongjun’s _appalled_ . she never offered _him_ snacks whenever he said hi to her!)

(serim must be working black magic on her, hyeongjun wonders.)

and you know what the real kicker was? 

one time, hyeongjun brought the dance instructor over for minhee’s housewarming party as his plus one.

and while everyone was a little wary of the older man at first, it all went away extremely quickly after a few shots and well after serim loosened up enough to openly challenge wonjin into a dance battle. and all of a sudden, serim was the _it_ guy of the night. and everyone flocked to him like bees to honey when he showed off his skills and his outgoing, charming personality. shit, he even got _wonjin’s_ seal of approval after that dance-off, so that must have meant _something_.

thus - considering hyeongjun’s track record - it doesn’t take much for him to fall for park serim.

and how can’t he? serim was so, _so_ incredibly different, yet so _similar_ to all the people hyeongjun fell in love with. 

he felt easy and familiar. like wonjin. he was charming, patient and understanding, just like seungwoo. he was also _very_ passionate about dance - heck, it was his _career_ \- just like dongpyo. and boy. he was _strong_. he could probably rival yohan if it came down to the size of their muscles.

(hyeongjun caught him flexing in front of a gym mirror once and he almost passed out because serim’s pinky finger could probably break hyeongjun’s whole arm if they ever decided to arm wrestle.)

(...probably.)

but most importantly, serim made him feel _safe_.

it was a trait that hyeongjun never really found in any of his boyfriends or crushes up until that point. the feeling of being totally, incredibly, wholly _safe_ around someone. serim, with his seductive appearance, muscles, and soft, dongsaeng-whipped personality (which was such a _startling_ contrast to his intimidating exterior) made hyeongjun feel like he could be _protected_. 

since their first meeting, serim was constantly looking after him and teaching him everything he needed to know. and sometimes, he’d be a little _touchy_ with him - while staring at hyeongjun and reading his body language, as if judging whether he was being _too_ touchy and making hyeongjun uncomfortable and backing off the second hyeongjun showed even the slightest bit of discomfort. it was a nice sentiment, and one hyeongjun appreciated after having his friends walk on eggshells around him when the minkyu drama was still fresh on everyone’s minds. 

at that time hyeongjun assumed it was just his imagination playing tricks on him - the byproduct of reading too many sad romance fanfiction - and it’s corny, but hyeongjun’s heart skips a beat whenever he slips up during practice, and serim is somehow almost _always_ there to catch him mid-fall, arms entrapping him before his head can hit the floor, breath hot and tingling against hyeongjun’s ears. 

he tries not to think too much into it when he’s learning a new dance genre and serim casually sidles up behind him, strong hands covering hyeongjun’s tiny waist entirely, and manually moving the younger boy around to the beat of the music, imitating a scene straight out of a cheesy romance comedy. 

it’s cringey, almost borderline _creepy_. and yet hyeongjun never calls serim out for it because his mentor immediately flushes and hides his face afterwards when he realises he’s being inappropriate, and it’s the same brand of endearing awkwardness minkyu had in the beginning of their relationship that made hyeongjun fall in love with him in the first place and - oh no, hyeongjun’s catching feelings again. 

and while the mere thought of serim’s similarity to minkyu frightens hyeongjun a little bit, it doesn’t stop hyeongjun from falling even more for his instructor. 

not like he even had a choice in the matter, anyway. because what minkyu lacked in assertiveness, serim had _heaps_ of it, and he was _not_ afraid to use it. 

serim was constantly dragging hyeongjun out for lunch and dinner with their co-workers, sometimes even to the gym (that was the only activity hyeongjun would not budge on). and those public outings slowly turned to more private ones, and hyeongjun cannot honestly remember for the life of him when serim started inviting him over to his apartment and cooking homemade meals for the younger mentee. 

heck, they visited each other so often to the point where wonjin would complain endlessly about walking in on them cuddling and being grossly adorable together while stamping his feet like an annoyed child. 

(“i want a cute, strong boyfriend too!” wonjin pouts.)

and that was the nice thing about serim. that he didn’t beat around the bush. no games, no _subtlety_ . he just _went_ for it, no fucks given. 

if he wanted to cuddle, he’d make grabby hands at hyeongjun until the smaller boy finally relented and let him hold him while they watched sappy romance shows together. if serim wanted kisses, all he had to do was point at his cheeks and _pout_ , and hyeongjun would immediately pepper his face with all the kisses he wanted. if he wanted hyeongjun to stay over for the night, he’d do his most cringiest aegyo in order to make hyeongjun stay. 

(that one didn’t work as often, but hyeongjun appreciated the effort.) 

and here was the funniest thing - they never brought up the idea of being official, tying the knot, or whatever slang the kids used these days. and hyeongjun realised - after almost a whole _year_ \- that it was _never_ serim’s intention to get into a relationship with him. he just really liked hyeongjun in general, and the fact that they clicked well and had good chemistry sealed the deal. this no-commitment, friends-with-affections relationship was a very new concept to hyeongjun...and he kinda liked it.

it also helped that serim made it very, _very_ clear early on - while they were watching the notebook, of all shows - that the dance instructor was _not_ planning to get romantically attached any time soon. 

because - just like hyeongjun - serim had his own fair share of boys he’d loved before. and the conclusion that he drew up - after going through all those relationships and flings and hookups - was that he liked “running the race more than reaching the finishing line”. and it was an idea that hyeongjun couldn’t fully understand until serim lazily explained it to him during a night of heavy drinking. 

serim enjoyed the flirting. the hugging. the hand holding. the kisses and the cuddles. he liked all of those things, _minus_ the commitment that came after it. serim didn’t _want_ a relationship, but he wanted to enjoy the perks that came with it. and while hyeongjun couldn’t agree entirely on that prospect, he _could_ see the appeal of it. it was like being in a relationship, without a title attached to it, and the freedom to be with other people whenever he felt like it. 

it was also an arrangment that kept hyeongjun going for a good chunk of the year. and while he _did_ feel a little guilty for using serim like this - as an emotional and physical aid after his breakup with minkyu - he knew, deep in his heart, that serim was using him too. and he agrees that while this wasn’t the best arrangement, or the healthiest one - it was the one that _kept him going_. 

life was okay. for the moment, anyway.

or it was.

until _that_ day came. 

and then everything in hyeongjun’s life spun out of control. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as mentioned, this is part 2 of the trilogy, and i’ll be posting the third one soon after some proofreading. hope everyone likes this chapter, and drop me comments to tell me whether you liked it or hate it! comments keep me going c:


	5. to all the boys hyeongjun loved before [FINALE] [hyeongjun/?] [fluff/slight angst]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyeongjun makes a life-changing discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made the pairing a secret so y’all suffer.

it had been approximately three years since his breakup with minkyu.

hyeongjun never really moved on entirely from the experience, but decided to do the best he could with what he had. and while he was mostly busy - working morning shifts at wooseok’s bakery, before training at the dance center after - he was relatively content with his life. he had good friends, a friend-with-affectionate-benefits, a job, and a promising future as a dance instructor ahead of him. and he made sure to fill up his social and work schedule as much as he could so he never had time to think about minkyu ever again.

(it worked. somewhat.)

“you’ve got bags under your eyes, kid,” wooseok - hyeongjun’s boss, ceo, head baker, surrogate father etc. - pouts at hyeongjun, cupping the younger’s chubby little cheeks together and squishing them, “are you pushing yourself again?”

“...no?” hyeongjun tilts his head cutely.

he wasn’t, seriously!

( _liar_.)

“don’t lie to your boss, it’s in bad form,” wooseok reprimands, while proceeding to excessively rub hyeongjun’s cheeks, “and make sure you rest when you can okay? you’re twenty-three. you’re still young. don’t burn yourself out so fast.”

what wooseok says rings true. but hyeongjun can’t help it. it’s stupid. he’s aware of it. the fact that he’s piling so much onto himself so he doesn’t allow his mind to wander into emotional backstory territory. he’s done crying over minkyu, he’s had _enough_. it’s been _three fucking years_ , he has to _get the fuck over it._

and yet, he can’t help but remind himself of all the good times they had together. when minkyu kissed him for the first time, under the glow of the moonlight. when minkyu brought hyeongjun to disneyland as a surprise during his birthday. when minkyu graduated and they took over a thousand polaroids together just to commemorate that wonderful moment.

hyeongjun wonders if minkyu still has those polaroids.

_aaaaaaand_ that’s his cue to immediately do something to occupy his time.

he hates it. this has to _stop_. he has to _forget_. he has his _whole life ahead of him_ , and he can’t spend the entirety of it reminiscing over one boy who probably never even saw him in his own future in the first place.

(it’s a lot harder than he claims it to be.)

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
the story doesn’t end here.

in fact, this is where it all starts.

all it takes is for one lazy night at serim’s place (again) for the pieces to come to place. serim’s head lying on his lap, hyeongjun casually playing with serim’s hair - which was dyed back to black - god _bless_ \- while they had some random k-drama playing on the flat screen. wonjin was there too, deciding that he was _not_ going to spend the night alone without hyeongjun again - “i miss hugging you to sleep, hyeongjun-ah!” - and unceremoniously crashing serim’s place after picking the both of them up from work.

(he doesn’t bring it up, but he’s starting to notice the way serim smiles a little too fondly at wonjin whenever the latter makes a dumb joke or starts teasing hyeongjun. and the way wonjin’s hand lingers a little too closely to serim’s while they’re on the couch makes hyeongjun suspicious. they’re barely touching, but hyeongjun can _feel_ the domestic vibes radiating off the pair, especially wonjin starts feeding serim little bites of his rum & raisin vodka ice-cream.)

(it’s cute.)

“what’s the name of the show again?” hyeongjun asks lazily, not really caring as he silently judges the appearance of the protagonist. he’s a 6/10, at best, hyeongjun thinks.

“dunno,” wonjin mumbles back, feeding another scoop of ice-cream into serim’s awaiting mouth, “i only put it on because minhee said the actor looked just like him.”

_really?_ hyeongjun’s noses scrunches up at the screen, scrutinising the main male lead of the show. a tall, broad-shouldered actor who honestly looked a little old to play the role of a young, genius ceo, _minhee looks more handsome than that._

“minhee’s more handsome,” hyeongjun singsongs, not aware he’s voiced his thoughts aloud. serim raises an eyebrow at the younger boy - and then proceeds to pout when wonjin freezes up next to him, spoonful of ice-cream barely inches away from the eldest boy’s lips.

“really?” and hyeongjun snaps his head at wonjin’s direction, not understanding the tone in his long-time childhood friend’s voice. why was wonjin acting so surprised? minhee _was_ handsome. that was just facts.

“i mean, yeah, no shit,” hyeongjun replies hesitantly, not understanding where this is going, and the look on wonjin’s face is _contemplative_ , “who wouldn’t think minhee is handsome?”

serim’s hand shoots up. “i don’t. i think he’s _adorable_.”

“shush, hag. your opinion is irrelevant,” wonjin cuts him off playfully, and tries not to grin when serim rolls over hyeongjun’s lap to openly gawk and the younger boy, whining at him to _take it back, i’m still young! i’m not a hag! wonjiniiiiiie!_

“wonjin hyung, where are you going with this?” hyeongjun deadpans. _all i said was minhee was handsome, what’s the deal?_

“nothing,” wonjin suddenly smiles - serim’s head now resting on _his_ lap, and the dance instructor looks more appeased than ever - and puts his tub of ice-cream to the side, “minhee’s great, isn’t he? he’s stuck through with us for so long, despite everything that’s happened. always comes back to visit us at any given opportunity. even when he’s stuck hours away in that smart school school of his.”

“...yeah?” and hyeongjun _still_ doesn’t understand where this is going.

“all i’m saying is...minhee’s a good friend, isn’t he?” wonjin states carefully, and now his fingers are stroking through serim’s locks, and the older boy starts _purring_ , “what do you think, hyeongjunnie?”

hyeongjun’s back straightens at this. _wonjin couldn’t be trying to set him up with their own best friend, right? right?_

hyeongjun wheezes at the thought.

he’ll humor his hyung this time round. his hyung has been good lately. he actually _asked_ before eating the last slice of hyeongjun’s pizza yesterday.

“of course i think minhee’s a good friend,” hyeongjun retorts, and he rolls his eyes when wonjin raises an eyebrow at him, “what else do you want me to say?”

wonjin sighs dramatically, and serim giggles while casually “booping” wonjin’s nose with his finger. was he drunk _already_?

“all i’m saying is…hasn’t minhee always been there for you since the start? always supporting you throughout the years? even when you went through that ridiculous phase of falling for random guys who would barely gave you the time of day?”

“seungwoo hyung was _not_ a random guy.” hyeongjun squares his shoulders defensively.

wonjin levels him with a deadpan look.

“right. remember when we were fifteen? when we broke up after realizing we were better off as friends?”

hyeongjun narrows his eyes at his hyung.

“yea, why?”

“minhee comforted you that night, didn’t he?” wonjin elaborated slowly, as if trying to explain math to a very slow child, “he came over asking if you wanted to play games together. _remember_?”

“yeah, so what? we do that all the time,” hyeongjun trails off slowly, suddenly hesitant. he recalls that night as clear as day. or. well. _night_.

wonjin and minhee had always been close, considering minhee was _literally_ wonjin’s roommate back when they were kids. it was during the time when the tall boy’s parents were too busy to look after him, so they paid wonjin’s parents to take care of him for a few years, up until minhee was legal enough to live on his own.

the duo ended up being as close as brothers, and wonjin told minhee _everything_. so it wasn’t to anyone’s surprise when minhee was the first to know of hyeongjun and wonjin’s relationship.

but that night, while hyeongjun was crying over the breakup, minhee had literally _broken_ into his home via the second storey window - scaring the smaller boy shitless - and asked if hyeongjun wanted to play some xbox together. the offer complete with his usual, deadpan expression and intense, questioning gaze.

hyeongjun didn’t look much into it when he mumbled out a yes. he was too emotionally drained to even give a fuck, and he needed a distraction anyway.

it did help, at the very end. after a few rounds of first-person shooter, hyeongjun was back to his whiny, cheerful self again, hitting minhee whenever the taller boy kept blue-shelling him at mario kart and giggling quietly whenever minhee “bullied” him for being so bad at games. minhee left before dawn - probably via the window again - when he was sure hyeongjun had finally dozed off mid-game. hyeongjun never did ask how he went from drooling on minhee’s shoulder to sleeping on his bed, and didn’t bother investigating it.

in fact, now that hyeongjun’s thinking about it, he always dismissed that night as minhee just being his weird, quirky self as usual. minhee _never_ turned down playing games whenever hyeongjun asked, so the entire time hyeongjun assumed that minhee was just bored and wanted someone to play games with him.

the thought that he broke into hyeongjun’s room to _comfort_ him never even crossed his mind in the slightest.

“hyeongjun,” wonjin says slowly, “that night, when he came over to play games with you. minhee had a very, _very_ important exam the next day.”

hyeongjun chokes.

_what_.

“i remember junho telling me he slept halfway through the paper.” serim was finally asleep now, snoring peacefully on wonjin’s lap. “he still scored well as usual, that ass.”

hyeongjun reels in shock, despite wonjin’s nonchalance.

_everyone_ in their friend group knew that minhee was a complete study freak. he always acted so casually whenever the topic of academics were brought up - he _knew_ he was smart, no need to flaunt it - but to minhee, studying was his number one priority. he studied for at least four hours a day without fail, and he normally spent the _whole day cramming_ if there was a big exam coming up the morning after.

to think that minhee completely _ditched_ his religious study routine to spend the entire night playing games with hyeongjun, all because he was sad over a breakup was -

hyeongjun feels warmth quickly rising in his cheeks, and he doesn’t think it’s because of the alcohol.

_holy shit_.

  
  


* * *

  
  
hyeongjun tries not to think much about that night - as he’s kneading the dough so with so much ferocity wooseok has to check up on him once or twice out of concern.

all of this - this revelation - was just _too much to process_ for him.

he starts thinking back on all the times, all his interactions with minhee up until that point, starting with his crush on his homeroom teacher.

minhee - just like everyone else - constantly teased him about it.

even when everyone was sick and tired of hearing hyeongjun go on and on about seungwoo, minhee would always be by his side. not really listening, but just _being_ there for hyeongjun - playing games or whatever - while hyeongjun swooned and fantasised about how amazing of a human being seungwoo was.

and hyeongjun will _never_ forget the day minhee literally made himself sick eating half of hyeongjun’s homemade chocolate in one sitting. hyeongjun had made fun of him for it afterwards, telling him he could’ve just thrown the chocolates away. and he remembers minhee whispering something that he didn’t catch entirely, and dismissed it as part of his imagination.

it almost sounded like, _“but_ you _made them”_. but that couldn’t have been it right? _right_?

and then there was his slow burn breakup with dongpyo. from the very start, minhee had been nothing but supportive of the pair, always being present for their silly little dance-offs, and playing the listening ear to hyeongjun’s rapid coos of how adorable and funny dongpyo was _every day for the entire fucking semester_.

plus, he was the _only_ person to notice when dongpyo stopped barging into their classroom altogether to seek hyeongjun out. he even _bothered_ to approach hyeongjun - out of genuine worry - if there was something wrong between them. hyeongjun at that time assumed it was just minhee being observant and looking out for him, since they were friends after all. if minhee was in love with hyeongjun, he would’ve been _happy_ that they broke up. right?

_right_?

and then, the minkyu debacle.

when minkyu ghosted him, minhee _literally_ said fuck it to school attendance and immediately hopped onto a two hour train ride to hyeongjun’s campus in the dead of the night when the news broke out about it. just like his breakup with wonjin, hyeongjun never questioned minhee’s actions during those times. too emotionally unstable to really think about anything else other than his own problems. never stopping to even _think_ about how minhee ended up on his campus in the middle of the night banging his door down even though his own school was a whole two hours away from hyeongjun’s - _just_ to give the smaller boy another shoulder to cry on and the emotional support he needed.

minhee was also the _only one_ who refused to give up the search for minkyu. even after everyone else had given up, minhee still managed to find a way to balance school and his search in order to give hyeongjun a chance for closure. hyeongjun wasn’t aware of this up until minhee told him he managed to find minkyu’s home phone number. hyeongjun had been too _frantic_ to even thank the taller boy properly when he dialed the number, and too exhausted afterwards to even process how much minhee had done for him.

it didn’t stop there either.

he thinks back to how minhee was always, _always_ present in his life. never as the main character. or even the minor love interest. but the side character who constantly supported hyeongjun’s love life from behind the scenes. even after he broke up with minkyu, minhee remained as one of his regular sources of normalcy - aside from wonjin - that stayed a constant, reassuring presence throughout hyeongjun’s life even as he continued his studies in medical school. and just as wonjin mentioned, the med student _never_ failed to come back home at every given opportunity to see his friends and family.

to see _hyeongjun_.

hyeongjun feels winded at the realization.

_he had always been there for hyeongjun, even if hyeongjun never realised it himself_.

hyeongjun feels a gentle caress on his shoulder and nearly flips the dough out of the window in surprise.

“jjunie-ah, you alright there?” wooseok asks cautiously, gently removing the dough away from hyeongjun’s grasp, “you look like you just discovered the secret codes for fort knox. and if you have - please share it with me, i want in.”

“hyung,” hyeongjun blurts out, hands shaking as the lump of dough is carefully removed from him, “how do you know if your best friend is in love with you?”

wooseok blinks at him warily.

“i’m sorry, _what_?”

“l-like, how would you know if your friend who’s known you for years - like, _years_ \- is in love with you but they never once mentioned it or showed it in front of you?” hyeongjun tries not to meet his boss’s eyes, face too flushed at the very thought of _minhee_ of all people having a crush on him. there was no way right? they’d been friends for literally _ages_ , and minhee had _never_ spoken up about it? or even hinted at it? and why would he just sit there all those times and happily support hyeongjun throughout all his failed crushes and relationships if he actually harbored feelings for him -

“is this about minhee?”

hyeongjun’s knee-jerk reaction speaks more than whatever he was going to say next.

wooseok hums.

“it is, huh,” the older man sighs, patting the dough down on his worktable, “and please don’t try to cover it up and say you’re asking for a friend or some bullshit like that. minhee’s like a brother to me. anything that concerns him, it concerns _me_.”

and with that, wooseok promptly walks out of the store, flips the _open_ sign to _closed,_ and waltzes back in without giving a single shit. he leans against the table, folds his arms, and raises an eyebrow at hyeongjun.

“go on, tell me about it.”

and the dam in hyeongjun’s heart _breaks_.

he goes on and on about all the thoughts he’d been having up until now. about his sudden realization of minhee’s support and presence throughout his life. of the stuff minhee had done for hyeongjun over the years. and the strangeness of him _never_ asking anything back from hyeongjun.

hyeongjun doesn’t realise he’s crying until wooseok pulls him into a hug and lets him pour his tears out on the taller man’s shoulders - dirty, floury clothes be damned.

hyeongjun just doesn’t _get_ it.

minhee _couldn’t_ be in love with him, right? how could _anyone_ stay in love with him after constantly watching him be with someone else for the majority of his life? how could minhee _stand_ to be even with hyeongjun after listening to hyeongjun go on and on about all of his past relationships without a care for _his_ feelings?

_how could he continue to love someone like hyeongjun, after all that’s happened?_

“h-hyung...i don’t get it. he can’t be in love with me, right?” hyeongjun pulls away, tears staining his cheeks as he tries to hiccup through his broken words, “h-he never even mentioned it. never dropped hints. and why would he tolerate me going on about my dumb crushes if he actually had a crush on me?”

heck, minhee was still supporting hyeongjun even _now_. when hyeongjun was struggling to find a job to help pay for his tuition fee at the dance center, minhee _immediately_ informed him via phone call that wooseok hyung was looking for a part-timer at his newly opened bakery - and hyeongjun didn’t even need to go through an interview. wooseok literally just went, “minhee recommended you right? okay. let’s go” and that was it. no fuss, no muss, minhee had literally _hand-gifted_ hyeongjun a decent paying job without asking for anything in return.

_again_.

“well,” wooseok reassures the younger boy gently, flour-soaked hands patting his back, “why don’t you ask him that for yourself?”

“w-what -?”

“hyung! are you in? the door was left open, you should really lock it -”

hyeongjun’s eyes shoot open, and his first natural instinct is to duck behind the counter.

_shit_.  
  
  
  


* * *

_oh no no no no no no no no._

how. _how. how_ did he even forget that minhee was arriving back home today? it was _all over_ the group chat this morning, fucking _how -_

“oh, miniyah! you’re back home early,” wooseok smirks while side-eyeing hyeongjun, and discreetly places a finger to his lips, telling the younger to keep quiet, “here to buy bread for your gang of babies?”

_not a baby!_ hyeongjun internally whines.

“yeah.” and hyeongjun’s heart quickens when he hears footsteps getting closer and closer towards him, and tells his heart to _please, please shut the fuck up, you are NOT pounding for kang minhee_ _of all people._ he forcefully clamps a hand over his mouth to avoid himself from squeaking when minhee’s head accidentally bangs into the overhead light, accompanied with a little “fuck!”.

_ha, that’s what you get for being tall!_

“you need to remove that damn light.” hyeongjun can practically _hear_ minhee pouting at wooseok.

“well, you need to stop growing taller.” hyeongjun tries not to giggle when wooseok’s flour-covered hand reaches over the counter to ruffle the younger boy’s hair - and minhee backs away and squeaks cutely before recovering quickly.

“a-anyway, yeah. i’m here to collect my order. you still have the kimchi pork buns right?”

hyeongjun’s head perks up at this information. he _loves_ wooseok’s homemade kimchi pork buns. they were the next best thing next to homemade kimchi stew.

“of course, you child.” and hyeongjun stares at wooseok, _betrayed_ , when wooseok plucks a large paper bag filled with baked goods from the warming tray. so _that_ was what wooseok was preparing earlier? and he never _told_ him!

“here you go,” wooseok singsongs while carefully handling the large package over to his dongsaeng, “and you don’t always have to ask if i have them in stock you know? i always leave one for you if i know you’re in town.”

minhee laughs, and hyeongjun smiles warmly at that. minhee’s laughter was literally a “ha ha ha”, and it was the funniest “minhee quirk” he had since they were kids.

“yeah, but they’re his favorites you know?”

“who?” wooseok asks innocently, side-eyeing hyeongjun on the floor again.

“y-you know who!” minhee stutters, and hyeongjun just returns wooseok’s look with his own confused one of his own. where was wooseok going with this?

wooseok hums, and leans over the counter to rest his chin on his palms.

“kid, when are you ever going to tell him?”

hyeongjun freezes in place.

minhee sighs loudly, and hyeongjun hears him carefully place the goods onto the counter.

“hyung, i _can’t_. you know that.”

there’s a tense silence, and hyeongjun doesn’t even dare breathe. he feels like he’s intruding on a private moment between two brothers. he really shouldn’t be here, and he’s about to cover his ears out of respect when wooseok shoots him a glare to _stay the fuck down and listen up._

“you can’t keep playing this push and pull game forever, minhee-ah,” wooseok replies gently, moving so he can look at minhee better, and hyeongjun wishes he could see minhee’s reaction too, “he won’t know unless you tell him.”

“he doesn’t need to know, hyung.” hyeongjun’s heart _breaks_ at the sad acceptance behind his best friend’s voice. “he doesn’t even look at me that way, anyway.”

_you don’t know that,_ hyeongjun finds himself thinking desperately, wanting to just leap out of the counter to tell his best friend that properly in the face, _you won’t know that until you ask, you dumbass._

“minhee-ah.” wooseok’s voice is heavy, and hyeongjun realises that the older probably had this conversation with minhee enough times for him to sound so jaded, “you deserve your own happiness, you know. haven’t you thought of moving on?”

“ _no_.” and the firmness of minhee’s tone warms and breaks hyeongjun’s heart at the same time.

“and why’s that?” wooseok asks warmly, and hyeongjun can hear the resigned smile in his boss’s tone.

there’s a quiet pause, and hyeongjun waits for his best friend’s response with bated breath.

“ _because hyeongjun is my whole world, hyung._ ”  
  


* * *

  
  
hyeongjun’s history with minhee is a long one.

their first meeting started out when they were in primary school. wonjin had invited the hyeongjun over to his house one fine day to play, and the smaller boy literally ended up crashing into minhee on his way to play the newest video game in wonjin’s living room.

even back then, minhee’s height was impressive - especially for a ten-year-old - and hyeongjun was genuinely in awe and intimidated of the boy’s towering height.

wonjin happily introduced the two to each other - hyeongjun, as his childhood friend, and minhee, as his tennant - and minhee had been so incredibly _shy_ back then, shyer than even _hyeongjun_ was. he was a whole head taller than hyeongjun and yet he could barely look the smaller boy in the eye when they greeted each other.

hyeongjun couldn’t help but think about how quiet and weirdly pretty minhee was - with his unexpectedly long eyelashes and piercing dark eyes - and their first meeting was awkward as _hell_. neither of them could even talk without wonjin sitting in between them, chattering away to fill in the dead silence. and hyeongjun almost had a heart attack when wonjin jumped out of the couch suddenly mid-game to go to the toilet, and made the two of them stay where they were so they could finish the round without him.

and that was when hyeongjun found out that while minhee was shy and quiet and awkward, he sure was _competitive as hell_ when it came to games. and it showed in his gameplay when he completely _thrashed_ hyeongjun at mario kart, coupled off with a smug smirk on his face when he made hyeongjun fall off the road - _again._

wonjin must have been taking a huge dump that day, because he doesn't come back for a very long time, and both minhee and hyeongjun don’t even bother to notice his disappearance when hyeongjun gets riled up over his loss and demands rematch after rematch from minhee so he can finally wipe that _insufferable_ smirk off of the taller boy’s face.

it takes about five whole full games before hyeongjun _finally_ clinches first place by a hair’s breadth and he instantly slams his controller down on the couch and _cheers_ , even doing his little happy dance while he’s at it. he celebrates his victory for about half a minute when he realizes that minhee was _staring_ at him - and he shrinks back in his place and quietly prays for death. he _could not believe_ that he actually danced in front of a _stranger_ , oh my _god -_

“you’re...really pretty.” is not what hyeongjun expects minhee to say after that spectacle, the other boy’s eyes wide in awe and curiosity, coupled with a tiny, amused smile on his face at the sight of hyeongjun’s happy dance.

“you’re really pretty too.” is _also_ not what hyeongjun expects to come out of his own mouth after that compliment, and he _also_ does not expect the blush the size of mount everest to cover minhee’s ears at his reply.

“no-one’s ever called me pretty before,” minhee says, a little sadly, and hyeongjun remembers sniffing his nose indignantly at that response, because what _bullshit_ \- “all they ever do is call me awkward and a giant and make me play basketball because i’m tall when all i really wanna do is play baseball.”

“well, those kids can go shove it then.” minhee’s eyes widen at the curse, and hyeongjun angrily folds his arms in defiance. “you’re pretty, miniyah. those kids don’t know _anything_. don’t listen to them. you’re super pretty and you have long eyelashes. and you should play baseball if you want to. basketball’s overrated anyway.”

minhee’s sudden laugh is unexpected, and hyeongjun’s heart feels warm hearing such an adorable, awkward laugh coming from the taller boy. and the smile minhee sends his way after? _priceless._

they warm up to each other after that, throwing playful jabs at each other even after wonjin returns from his supposedly large dump, and the salmon-lipped boy is _smug_ at the sight of the two of them getting along so well, and hyeongjun doesn’t ask why.

and that was the start of a beautiful, long, and bittersweet friendship.  
  


* * *

  
  
hyeongjun doesn’t know what to think when minhee leaves with his baked goods - very likely to go deliver them off to their friends, who were probably all at wonjin and hyeongjun’s apartment, waiting for the med student to return - and wooseok squats down next to him and pulls the younger boy into a messy, one-armed hug.

hyeongjun doesn’t say anything.

to be frank, he’s still a little bit in shock. he had an inkling that minhee had a crush on him - after wonjin’s questioning that night, he kind of guessed it - but he never knew how _deeply_ minhee’s “crush” on him ran.

“you’re not obligated to accept his confession, at any rate,” wooseok tells hyeongjun after they’re both sure minhee was no longer in earshot, and hyeongjun feels the tears well up behind his eyes at the elder’s gentle reassurance, “i just wanted to let you know...minhee’s been in love with you for a long time. a _very_ long time.”

tears slowly start running down hyeongjun’s cheeks, and he hides his face into his arms, suppressed hiccups threatening to overtake his body.

“but if you don’t feel the same way about him...tell him. tell him, so he can move on with his life. he’s been waiting long enough. do it for his happiness. do it for _him_ , hyeongjun-ah. please _.”_

hyeongjun ends up breaking down in wooseok’s arms that afternoon.  
  


* * *

hyeongjun hasn’t felt this empty since minkyu’s last text all those years ago.

he does his best to freshen up before he returns back home for minhee’s welcome home party - which was really just the whole gang, a lot of alcohol, and even more alcohol, to be honest - wooseok even lending him his concealer to hide the redness on his cheeks, before smiling at him, and wishing hyeongjun the best of luck.

hyeongjun doesn’t even understand how wooseok - who was _literally_ a brother to minhee - could even _stand_ tolerating hyeongjun’s presence, much less hire him for a job. hyeongjun, who never took notice of the minhee’s feelings, for taking advantage of his kindness, for _hurting_ him…

hyeongjun lets out a shaky sigh when he approaches the door to his shared apartment.

_i can do this_ , he thinks to himself as he twists the key into the keyhole, _fuck, no i can’t_ -

“hyeongjunniee~! you’re home!” hyeongjun mentally swears as wonjin pops out of fucking nowhere and _lunges_ at the smaller boy with the ferocity of a true drunken person, arms capturing him in an iron grip that almost suffocates hyeongjun, and was that _vodka_ he was smelling? “you’re so laaaaaate~! we started the party _aaaaages_ ago….”

“h-hyung, please get _off_ of me, i swear to god you SMELL -”

thankfully, wonjin is unceremoniously pulled off of him by - no less - the one person hyeongjun had been terrified of facing after today’s events.

“hyung, please go rest, you’re in no shape to be out and about.” and hyeongjun’s heart fucking _speeds up_ at a thousand beats per second when he sees minhee for the first months, and he looks as pretty and handsome as he’d always been, oh _fuck_.

“oh, hey hyeongjunnie, you’re home. i bought some bread. didn’t know what you liked, but there’s kimchi pork buns left on the counter. they’re a little cold though.”

_you fucking liar, you KNOW those are my favorites_ , hyeongjun wants to scream. but he can’t. because now that he _knows_ about everything - about minhee’s crush, fuck, _everything_ \- and shit shit _shit_ he can’t even bring himself to say _hey, welcome back minhee, how’s med school?_ and he just. stands there awkwardly, not bringing himself to even look at minhee in the eye, he’s such an _ass -_

“hey, you okay?” and minhee’s long, pretty pale hands gently grab hyeongjun’s chin and tilts his face so minhee can take a look at him properly, and - _oh no_ \- hyeongjun meets minhee’s eyes and they were so big, and brown, and _glittery and beautiful and -_

“hey, your eyes are red. have you been crying?” and hyeongjun’s heart aches one more time at the concern taking over minhee’s face as his other hand goes to cup hyeongjun’s cheek and leans in closer to inspect him, and suddenly the smaller boy is just so _aware_ of every little tiny freckle on minhee’s face. freckles that the taller boy tried to cover up, but hyeongjun always secretly thought looked really good on him.

“n-no, j-just rubbed them a bit too much. got something in my eye, whoops,” hyeongjun plays it off easily, hoping his acting was convincing enough for minhee to disregard it. the med student _does_ pull away eventually, still concerned, and hyeongjun’s a little disappointed when he feels the warmth of minhee’s fingers leave his cheeks, “a-anyway, how’s the party? anyone passed out yet?”

minhee sighs as hyeongjun closes the door behind them, and drinks in the sight of his living room - or what was left of it anyway - with every inch of space covered entirely with passed out bodies.

junho and eunsang were happily cuddling on the floor, limbs intertwined. then there was wonjin, passed out flat next to serim, who was also in a _very_ convenient position for spooning wonjin. and then there was seongmin and taeyoung, who were both resting their sleepy little heads on dohyon’s shoulders, and - for the love of god - who decided it was a good idea to give the maknaes _vodka_? hyeongjun was going to _murder_ them...

(it was wonjin.)

“so...about that…” minhee scratches his head awkwardly, gesturing at the sight before him. “sorry, but i think everyone’s gonna be crashing here tonight.”

hyeongjun sighs as he sets his bag down at an empty space not covered by human bodies.

“man, i don’t even know why we host these welcome back parties anymore. everyone ends up passing out before ten, and _you_ don’t even drink -”

“i’m a med student, of course i can’t drink!” minhee defends himself, playfully punching hyeongjun’s shoulder in return. and hyeongjun can’t help but smirk back at the med student, who was honestly _way_ too uptight about alcohol consumption.

“minhee, i’ve seen one too many med students get drunk after finals. and i’m _pretty_ sure it’s common for surgeons to drink after a successful surgery,” hyeongjun points out, jabbing at minhee’s chest with his pointer finger, “just admit you can’t drink and go.”

“yes i can,” minhee pouts, and hyeongjun can practically _feel_ the competitiveness radiating off the med student - who had _definitely_ grown taller while he was away, jesus christ - and hyeongjun feels smaller than ever under the giant’s towering height.

“minhee, we are not having a drinking competition over this. i am _not_ equipped to take care of a 190cm giant tonight. no siree, i’ll pass on that,” hyeongjun huffs as he tiptoes over the lying bodies to grab some blankets from the “passed out alcoholics” closet. even when his back is turned, hyeongjun can practically _hear_ minhee’s internal sigh in relief behind him, and he smiles. the taller boy really didn’t like alcohol, after all.

“anyway, how’s med school going?” hyeongjun asks offhandedly as he tosses minhee some blankets to place over their passed out friends, “let me guess. top of the cohort. honor roll - no, wait - someone’s already recruiting you for a job right after graduation. or all of the above. it’s the fourth option, right? tell me i’m right.”

“ha ha ha, you’re so funny,” minhee drawls sarcastically, carefully making sure the giant blanket completely covered the three sleeping maknaes, before stepping back to appreciate the adorable sight before him,“and i’m in second place, for your information.”

hyeongjun gasps over-dramatically at that, arm raised over his forehead.

“shocked! scandal! our president, kang minhee, not placing _first_. who’s the bastard who placed before you? i bet he had to _buy_ his way in -” and hyeongjun gets abruptly cut off when minhee practically _grabs_ him and clamps his hand over his, and hyeongjun’s suddenly very aware of the sharp scent of sea salt cologne on minhee’s shirt sleeve. since when did _minhee_ of all people start wearing cologne? this shit wouldn’t even bathe longer than five minutes back in high school unless hyeongjun forced him to -

“how do you talk so much shit when you haven’t even taken a sip of alcohol,” minhee deadpans, and a disgusted scowl instantly crosses his handsome features when hyeongjun messily _licks_ his friend’s open palm and minhee backs pulls away, the personification of offended, “gross! seriously, how old are you, five?”

“if i’m five, you’re a fetus,” hyeongjun deadpans, and they glare at each other for about half a second before the corner of minhee’s mouth quirks up and he goes _pffft._ and all of a sudden, the tension breaks and hyeongjun can’t help but grin fondly at the taller boy. he would never admit it - even if someone were to hold him at gunpoint - but he _did_ miss minhee. a lot. he missed the easy interactions, the familiarity, the back and forth banter, the push and pull dynamic. minhee’s weird, but endearing smile, his stupid dad jokes, his -

“anyway,” minhee coughs, breaking hyeongjun out of his train of thought, “i wanted to tell you something.”

minhee’s eyes dart around the room.

“ _privately_.”

anxiety rises up hyeongjun’s chest at that. shit, he wasn’t expecting this conversation to come for him _this_ soon. what was he going to do? he didn’t even think about how he was going to respond to minhee’s confession in the situation where the med student _did_ end up confronting him about it!

“is it urgent? c-can’t we wait tomorrow?” _buying time, buying time, please -_

“it’s urgent.” minhee’s eyes are steely with determination. and hyeongjun has never - in his entire life - _never_ said no to those eyes, especially if they belonged to minhee’s. what minhee wants, minhee _gets_. trying to deter a determined minhee was like trying to convince serim to stop flirting with every pretty thing in a ten mile radius. it was _impossible_.

“o-okay,” hyeongjun stutters out, and his legs feel wobbly as minhee reaches his hand out to him - to help him climb over serim’s passed out body - and he tries not to think about how much he misses their fingers slotting together so perfectly, like puzzle pieces. just like they’d been back when they were younger, when hyeongjun would always subconsciously hold onto minhee’s hand whenever he felt nervous or scared before a presentation, or a social outing with people he didn’t know very well, or whenever he just _wanted_ to, out of natural impulse. “okay. lead the way.”

minhee gently pulls the both of them to hyeongjun’s bedroom - and hyeongjun wants to kick himself for not cleaning up earlier, his room was a _mess_ \- and hyeongjun only notices that he isn’t holding minhee’s hand anymore when the taller boy sits hyeongjun down on the bed, and takes his own seat on the floor in front of hyeongjun.

again, a position that hyeongjun is all too familiar with. it was the usual position of whenever hyeongjun was about to go off on an _extremely_ long and embarrassing tangent on whoever he was crushing on at the current moment - and hyeongjun dies a bit on the inside at the memory. it must have been annoying for minhee to listen to all of that lovey dovey crap hyeongjun spouted on a daily basis.

(ah, and the guilt returns.)

“so, what did you want to talk to me about that’s _so_ urgent that it couldn’t wait until tomorrow morning?” hyeongjun jokes, even though his heart is practically _hammering_ against his chest and he can barely think properly, “you didn’t get in trouble, did you? oh god, don’t tell me you murdered that annoying roommate of yours. and if you did, you hid the body properly, right? you didn’t watch all seasons of how to get away with murder to _not_ be able to get away with murder -”

“i found minkyu.”

hyeongjun blinks slowly at him. and whatever response he thinks of to counter this comes up blank.

_what_.

“i heard, from my sources, that minkyu came back to his hometown today. he touched down a couple hours ago -”

hyeongjun just continues staring at minhee as the other continues on his story for his search for hyeongjun’s ex. he’s a little thrown off, to be honest. out of all the things hyeongjun expects to come out of minhee’s mouth that could be classified as _important_ \- minkyu was definitely _not_ one of them.

this time, hyeongjun _properly_ processes the information given to him with consideration of minhee’s actions - without the shock of hearing minkyu’s name clouding his senses.

from the way minhee was acting - the med student’s eyes bright and steely - made hyeongjun think that this “search” had been going on for a _very long time._ that minhee didn’t just “chance” upon this information out of nowhere. because hyeongjun _knew_ minhee, and he knew that whenever the taller boy set his goal on something, he was _determined_ to get it.

hyeongjun’s head spins at this conclusion.

three years was a very, very long time. _especially_ for someone in their early twenties. hyeongjun hopes this isn't true - but all evidence points to yes - but he suspects that _minhee had been_ _actively pursuing his search for minkyu since they graduated._ that minhee had spent three long years using his connections to _consistently_ track minkyu’s footsteps, waiting for the day when minkyu would return back to his home country. even though hyeongjun fully _knew_ minhee was still in love with him, and that he was probably doing all of this for hyeongjun’s _sake_ -

but for what? why? why would minhee try so hard for him? when hyeongjun had _nothing_ to offer him in return? why? _why? **why**?_

“o-offer _what_?” and hyeongjun reels his head at minhee in shock. shit, he didn’t realise his thoughts had spilled out in real life.

minhee’s looking at him in confusion, and hyeongjun gulps slowly at the taller boy’s concerned stare. those warm, brown eyes that were always filled with warmth and laughter whenever he was together with hyeongjun. the same eyes that were just staring at him, hurt and concerned at his reaction to the news.

well, now that he’s said it. he’s got nothing to lose anymore.

“why are you doing this, minhee?” hyeongjun whispers, choking back tears as minhee sits up worriedly and holds hyeongjun’s hands in his own again, thumbs tenderly tracing reassuring circles hyeongjun’s skin. “why are you still searching for minkyu hyung? it’s been three years. i’m _over_ it.”

( _liar.)_

hyeongjun doesn’t realise he’s sobbing until he feels those familiar hands reach up to his face to wipe his tears away, and his teary gaze lands on minhee’s soft, but worried orbs.

“because you need closure, hyeongjun,” minhee whispers, cupping his best friend’s cheek, and hyeongjun subconsciously nuzzles into it, eyes not leaving minhee’s, “that’s the least that ass owes you after all that’s happened. _closure_.”

hyeongjun sniffs loudly as minhee smiles at him, and it’s a gentle, almost _bittersweet_ smile. hyeongjun _crumbles_ at the knowledge of seeing that kind of smile on his best friend’s face. he’d seen it so many times whenever he talked about his crushes, but hyeongjun never once stopped to really _look_ or analyze the emotion behind those smiles. and now he does.

“...i went overboard, didn’t i,” minhee mumbles guiltily, and hyeongjun shakes his head furiously at that.

“n-no,” hyeongjun huffs out, and god, he must look _disgusting_ , tears running down his face, face red and puffy and _wet_ , “i-it’s not that. i s-swear, it’s not.”

silence befalls them, and minhee stands up to sit himself down carefully next to hyeongjun, arm rubbing the small of hyeongjun’s back as he lets the smaller boy calm down. it shouldn’t feel this _right_ to feel this comfortable around minhee, when the entire reason why hyeongjun was even emotional in the first place was _because_ it was about minhee.

“you know.” it isn’t a question, but a statement. “wooseok hyung told you everything.”

hyeongjun can’t even find himself to deny it. minhee was too smart for his own good anyway. he just nods dumbly, arm wiping away his tears forcefully.

“y-yeah. he did.”

minhee hums.

“and i bet you overheard our conversation earlier while we were at the bakery, huh.”

hyeongjun hiccups noisily. he doesn’t really know how to respond to that. heck, he doesn’t even know how minhee managed to draw to _that_ conclusion without any evidence whatsoever.

minhee snorts at the lack of a verbal reply.

“hyeongjun, i’m in love with you. of _course_ i’ll take the time to memorize your work schedule.”

hyeongjun’s heart _soars_ hearing those five magical words coming out of minhee’s mouth. somehow, they don’t feel strange or weird coming out from the taller boy than it did when he heard it from wonjin - back when they were still dating - in fact, those words back then made hyeongjun cringe. but coming from minhee, it felt...nice. it felt _right_.

minhee sighs, but doesn’t stop himself from slowly rubbing hyeongjun’s back comfortingly, unafraid to admit it so openly now that hyeongjun was aware of his feelings for him. hyeongjun thinks minhee’s too good for him, seriously. a normal guy would be walking out the door by now, not readily equipped to deal with hyeongjun’s turbulent emotions and trust issues.

“...how long has it been?” hyeongjun manages to mumble out.

hyeongjun rubs his eyes one final time before finally gathering the courage to look at minhee in the face. his beautiful, _prettyprettypretty_ , freckled face.

“i want to know. please, minhee-ah.”

minhee hums in contemplation, and the two of them don’t even notice when minhee’s arm leaves hyeongjun’s back and falls down to clasp their hands together - like they always did whenever they were about to have an emotional talk in the dead of the night.

“i’ve lost count, frankly,” minhee looks up to the ceiling, as if he’s calculating, “remember the time you did your happy dance after beating me at one game of mario kart?”

hyeongjun’s face _burns_.

holy shit, _that long_? that was thirteen years ago!

“thirteen years,” hyeongjun repeats, his lips _numb_ for even saying the number aloud, “thirteen fucking - minhee. why didn’t you _say_ anything?”

minhee shrugs, and his attention slips to playing with hyeongjun’s small fingers, as if hyeongjun wasn’t right there in front him _pouring his goddamn heart_ out for minhee already.

“you didn’t ask. and there wasn’t a situation where it was deemed necessary to bring up.” and god, this insufferable - all hyeongjun wants to do is deck him with a truck because seriously minhee, _what in the actual hell?_

“i didn’t ask - kang minhee, are you _kidding_ me?” hyeongjun’s just flabbergasted now, all traces of sadness and guilt gone, replaced with disbelief, “not a situation necessary bring it up MY ASS. you were in love with me. for _thirteen years_. and you _didn’t think you needed to bring it up to me in those thirteen years we knew each other?_ ”

“you were already dating wonjin hyung at that time,” minhee says tiredly, and hyeongjun’s shoulders goes lax at the expression, “remember? you were so in love back then. we both wanted to confess to you, but wonjin beat me to the punch. even when you broke up...how could i have taken advantage of you then while you were in that state?”

minhee huffs and gently squeezes hyeongjun’s hand, as if miffed that hyeongjun would even _think_ about minhee taking advantage of the smaller boy’s vulnerability.

“but there w-were other times,” hyeongjun blubbers, clenching his best friend’s fingers in return, “so many other times. y-you could’ve told me then. before i g-got together with dongpyo. or m-minkyu h-hyung...shit, i even _ranted_ about them t-to you…oh god, minhee. why didn’t you tell me to shut up? it must have hurt, hearing all that stupid shit come out of my mouth -”

“it’s not stupid.”

hyeongjun blinks. and minhee’s hand squeezes his even tighter.

“h-huh?”

“i said. it’s not stupid.” and minhee has this oddly adorable, grumpy little expression on his face that hyeongjun has never seen before in the thirteen years he’s known the boy.

“you. being cute. being in _love_. it’s not stupid, stop saying that about yourself.” and to hyeongjun’s hidden satisfaction, color _finally_ rises to minhee’s ears. minhee isn’t a person who blushes, but the tips of his ears always redden whenever he’s even mildly embarrassed, and hyeongjun thinks it’s _adorable_.

“i don’t tell you to shut up because i _like_ the way you go on about your crushes,” and - oh, this was _priceless_ \- minhee’s ears turn entirely red, and it’s such a sharp color contrast from the rest of his body, “like yeah. sure. it stings a bit. but so what? your face lights up whenever you talk about someone you like, and your eyes shine like stars when you mention something cute they’ve done lately. why would i _ever_ tell you to shut up if that’s how happy and beautiful you look when you talk about the people you love?”

minhee turns away from hyeongjun. he bites his lip and takes a deep, shaky breath.

“i love you,” minhee’s voice breaks as he whispers it, and hyeongjun finds himself cupping his best friend’s cheek, adjusting his face so they can look at each other properly, and hyeongjun can _feel_ the love and longing behind his best friend’s eyes at his confession,“i love you like you’re the world, song hyeongjun. and i want _you_ to be happy. e-even if you find that happiness with someone else.”

_even if it’s not with me_ , goes unsaid, but hyeongjun understands.

and for what feels like years, like _centuries_ , hyeongjun feels the stirrings of the cracks minkyu left behind in his heart slowly build itself back together again.

and minhee - after thirteen years of holding his feelings back - minhee finally _breaks_. in less than a second, he’s pulled hyeongjun to his chest and his face pressed tightly into hyeongjun’s neck, a choked sob running throughout the taller boy’s body before he finally lets himself _go_. and hyeongjun’s overwhelmed.

hyeongjun _knows_ how much pride minhee has. how much he _hates_ crying in front of people - even if they were his closest friends and family - so for minhee to cry so openly in front of hyeongjun like this...

...hyeongjun’s face warms.

it’s not a sign of weakness, or a sign of regret. it’s a sign of _trust_. that minhee _trusts him_ enough to allow him to witness his breakdown like this, to allow him to see minhee at his most vulnerable. despite the fact that _hyeongjun_ was the cause of minhee’s breakdown, and his pain, and his _tears_.

_minhee...you really deserve all the happiness in the world._

hyeongjun smiles adoringly at the taller boy, and wonders how he could have probably ignored all of this - the raw beauty, the emotion, the _trust_ minhee was giving. all for _hyeongjun_.

_i’ve never noticed your feelings even when you were right in front of me. let me make it up to you, minhee-ah._

so hyeongjun does the absolute unthinkable.

he gently shoves a bewildered minhee off of his chest, grabs him by the collar of his shirt, and _slams_ their lips together in a heated kiss.

when their lips connect, hyeongjun doesn’t feel sparks. or fireworks.

he feels the saltiness of minhee’s tears, the warmth of minhee’s mouth on his, the faint metallic taste of blood from his teeth scraping against minhee’s lower lip.

minhee himself stills at hyeongjun’s boldness, and his hands lay limply against hyeongjun’s thigh for only a heartbeat before slotting themselves nervously around hyeongjun’s waist, shakily hoisting their bodies closer together as hyeongjun drags him even deeper into the kiss.

it really is nothing like kissing dongpyo. or minkyu. or yohan. or serim.

the kiss is nervous and messy, and hyeongjun is mostly the one leading. minhee’s inexperienced - all things considering, hyeongjun can’t blame him for it - and it _shows_.

but does hyeongjun care?

hyeongjun smirks.

_nope._

because what’s important now wasn’t the metaphorical sparks or fireworks or whatever romance fiction bullshit had filled hyeongjun’s head for the past twenty three years. what’s important to hyeongjun was that all of a sudden, the world felt _right_ again. that hyeongjun - after all those years of searching, and falling in love, over and over again - had finally found the one thing he was missing the most.

minhee’s hands on his waist. minhee kissing him. minhee looking at him like he was the only one in the world that he could see. minhee, minhee, minhee, minhee, _minhee_.

_i’m sorry for keeping you waiting for so long, miniyah_.

they stare at each other longingly when they pull away for air, and the way minhee _looks_ at hyeongjun with the full force of all the longing and love he’s hidden away for the past thirteen years _seals_ the final crack in hyeongjun’s heart.

_finally._

_after all these years._

_hyeongjun found the most important thing he’d been searching for._

minhee gently strokes hyeongjun’s cheek - the smile on his tear-soaked face worth the millions upon billions of dollars in the world - before slowly pulling the smaller boy into a more gentle, softer kiss. one filled with love and happiness and trust and everything minhee meant to hyeongjun. and hyeongjun’s heart _blooms._

_he’s found home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there’s that! hope you guys enjoyed the surprise two-chap spam because i sure as hell did! i really loved writing this story and i’ll probably repost it one day as a full one-shot because god, this took forever to write.
> 
> i’m thinking of planning a few more sub-chapters for this. like an afterword of sorts. what do y’all think?
> 
> also, i based all these hyeongjun ships off romance story tropes and au’s, here’s the list! 
> 
> wonjin: childhood friends au  
> seongwoo: teacher/student  
> dongpyo: rivals-to-friends-to-boyfriends  
> minkyu: ??? fake soulmate au? fan-to-boyfriend au?  
> seongmin: puppy love  
> yohan: coffeeshop au (good shit good shit)  
> dohyon: meet cute (kinda)  
> serim: opposites attract (lowkey, lowkey)  
> minhee: extremely fucking slow burn 
> 
> that’s about it! feel free to leave me prompts too, and tell me if i should write maybe an afterword or some drabbles based off this same universe.

**Author's Note:**

> drop me comments and hit me up on @jjuniechu on twitter!


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